Plan B: The Thing I Most Desired For

Rule #1: The thing you always wanted will never be yours.

Rule #2: God delays your wishes to spare you for something better.

Rule #1 + Rule #2 = Rule #3

I still want that thing I always wanted. And I will work my ass up for it, God willing.

To some people, they have Plan B as a contingency plan in case their ultimate plan isn’t working out. It’s a different case for me. Because Plan A seems to go rather smoothly for the time being, I seem cant find a way out, in order to pursue Plan B. In other words, I’m stuck with Plan A, which I’m still happy to be with.

Wait. What are these Plan A and Plan B? Can I be more specific? Sure.

Plan A:

To be a renowned figure in academia dwelling with International Terrorism and the Global Security Architecture. Other transnational threats like Terrorism Alleviation, Poverty Eradication, Environmental Protection, Weapons of Mass Destruction and Development, and Conflict and Dispute Settlement are also on the plate, which turn me being an expert and reference in Peace and Security field. I would write books, publish journals, teach and make a difference to students’ views in perceiving issues.

Plan B:

To be a Host/Moderator for self-empowerment Talk shows. Exactly like Oprah who reaches the world with her words. Anything on making a change in one’s life and changing the world for a better place, I’m up for it. Some say my oratory skills (minus the semi-English accent) are given by Him and shalt not go to a waste. Sincerely, I believe in that too.

So that’s the general picture of my life. Currently pursuing Doctoral Studies in Peace and Security (majoring in Travelism and Partylogy) I guess I’m aligning myself closer to Plan A. Of course its something I want to have and some1 I wanna be. But my instinct strongly tells me that I would be happier and more satisfactory if I’m pursuing Plan B. Certainly applying Rule #2, I guess I would still have a future with Plan B. In fact with a Doctoral Degree in Peace and Security, would make my presentations be convincingly and intellectually macho. Heh.

But the thing is…

What if I’m gonna stuck with Plan A for the rest of my life…

Sometimes, I wish I could turn back the time and reversed few things. I should have taken communication, journalism and literature during college. If only… But thinking realistically, I just need to gather all my strengths now to make a big turn in my life. But then, where to turn? How to turn? In the end, I’m back to square one. Ah well.

To give up and accept fate? Hurmmm I’m not sure. I could still try pursuing my dreams since God doesn’t want me to surrender so easily.

So, this is what I am, and what I’m going to be.

After all, Life is a Climb, But the View is Great (^_^)

This post is dedicated to a best friend of mine Natasha Haqim who is also facing more or less the same dilemma as mine (with slightly different facts)

You've Got A Mail

Koh Tat Liang and Izatul Irene. Those names can still be vividly remembered in my memory till now. They are my long-lost pen-pal friends whom I used to spend once a week writing to them. And about 1 week plus or so, I would have received replies from them. Writing letters is one of my childhood memories that I wish I could do it in my teenhood (or adulthood ^^) life now.

Of course E.M.A.I.L. is not something uncommon in my growing up process. Since da age of 16 (1999), many of my communication were done via emails. One reason 4 sure, that’s how my highschool-ex (first love kononnya!!! Gediks!!) and I expressed and professed our feelings and affections. It’s the safest way. In my country back then, having an affair while schooling is an offence n subjected to humiliated consequences. Not only you be summoned by the disciplinary board, but you’ll be made “known” to da whole universe during school assembly. I guess our teachers forget the basic rights being human – Right to Love and To Be Loved. Ah well…

Now, with Friendster -> MySpace -> Facebook -> Twitter, I guess it makes me missing my childhood time even more.*

Sidenote: Another childhood memory of mine, - collecting coins after every purchase at the school canteen just to make a “secret” mission call to someone xxxx. And 1 minute call costs more than f…ing RM2. Kids nowadays just sending SMS, SNS, what more with Whatsapp and Kakaotalk. Sigh They don’t know da meaning of sacrifices in love as much as we do. LOL.

I have the feelings that I really want to write letters to my dearest friends but knowing their circumstances, I doubt that they would reply me in the same manner. I agreed – FB is most reliable and fastest. But I just feel something is unusual. My hands are no longer moving, crafting the sentences but merely running my fingers, clicking here and there (I found the keyboard clicking sound could be annoying at times). I miss erasing the erred spellings – blowing the dust away – wiping the paper to make it clean to re-write.

Having pen pals is something extraordinary back then. Cuz no one would want to write for another few weeks of reply. But I guess the temptation and patience of waiting make it more special and rewarding. The eagerness to check your mailbox daily, the smile that you portrayed when seeing your name written on the envelope – how much I missed those feelings. Now, no further motivation of waiting a reply. True, it’s the borderless world they say. “Global Village”, as the pro-globalism agents claim.

I guess this is the world I’m living in now. No turning back as everything is fast-phased and looking forward. But there is this lil part in me that wont change fast. As much as I try to be modern and sophisticated, classics (in some aspects) still best to define me!

PS: I don’t know what more could I missed in 20 years from now…

Yours sincerely,

Zokhri

LAID BACK. JUST. BE. HAPPY...

Initially, 3 months ago, I was reluctant 2 set any 2012 resolutions. Reason being, only 30% of my previous annual resolutions met da target, while da remaining deemed failed (put in a nicer word – yet 2 b achieved^^). N even after 3 months, I came up with a similar rule, self-centered policy of mine, which I think not much different from the conscience I had during New Year Eve. It reads:

LAID BACK. JUST.BE.HAPPY.

Simple huh?

But I guess, as simple as it can be, it is not easy 2 achieve. Especially being happy. Regardless, I certainly would take dis rule seriously 4 d next 270 days remaining. I’ve been tired (n hurt too) 4 keep on setting goals 4 my New Year resolutions but in da end, stays as da following next year’s resolutions. Classic Zokhri…

So I juz gonna take it easy dis time. No pressure. No target. Only focusing @ myself being happy. In watever I do, wherever I go, it is because of my own wills and wanting. Da will 2 treasure myself n reward myself 4 wat I’ve gained (nothing much but Australia, India and San Francisco are in the list) ^^

I am not bound to win but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed but I am bound to live up to what light I have. (Abraham Lincoln, 1809 – 1865)

Some wud av called me coward. 4 once, Zokhri is known 2 b a goal setter n jetsetter bla..bla..bla which exactly I want 2 put a pause 2 those dogmas as I’m loosing da very essential needs of my living – parties, beaches, travelling, eating n blogging. Less, I realized I’m approaching 30 (age is just a number: repeat 100x) having qualification left and right, searching -slash- hunting 4 love n da rite person, still, I’m da lonely Zokhri. N 2 those who disagree wif me toning down, “I wud rather be lonely having all da things I wanna do, than being lonely wif wat ppl want me to do.”

The capacity to be alone becomes linked with self-discovery and self-realisation; with becoming aware of one’s deepest needs, feelings and impulses. (Anthony Storr)

So 2012 is a year, I wud focus more on myself. I’ll do wat I wanna do, be silly or recklessly, get wasted or busted, be doomed or boom. Every single thing dat I do, its gonna make myself a hero 2 me, a queen of myself, n putting aside others (4 a while I hope) from da picture. I’ll cease da risk n take da ride. Einstein once said, “There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

Dis is da moment, Zokhri! And opportunity strikes only once!! It’s either now or never!!!

Note: If da world still exist by 2013, I’ll think of a new strategy (^_^)

Next, Namaste India!!!

ZI

MAKING A STAND

None of IR readers aren’t exposed with theories in understanding geopolitics surrounding the world. Often be da case, a reader (be students, lecturers, policy makers, journalist and bla bla bla) would be asked to state his preferential analysis in arguing incidents and world fault lines. Of course, I am not excluded. Considering dere r few SEA students in my cohort, (n I’m da only one representing The Land of Truly Asia – Bolehlah), many wud turn to me in asking my view, touching on da specific issues.

I admit I’m not an expert in World Politics theories, amidst being a constant reader in following the scholars’ arguments. Not even close. But I av an aspiration in pursuing such discipline in academia, in wanting 2 make a change 4 a better world 4 every1 2 live on. That is not 2 say I hate being a Niccolo Machiavelli follower given da fact dat, realism is best 2 understand international issues, neither totally classify myself as a Kantian (Kant, 1983) who insists dat “perpetual peace” can b achieved through da building of common norms n laws and Commonwealth of Nations. I’m juz being, according 2 Greek Philosopher Lertius Diogenes, “a citizen of da world.”

Although @ dis point of juncture, I.JUST.DONT.KNOW.HOW

However, believing dat da world cud b changed if Homosapiens want it to, I found myself in line wif other constructivist.

Hence I always try 2 put sum elements of hope @ any argument I made – which the people could change if they want to. As expected, I received disquiets n disagreements, including from my professors. Thinking thoroughly, I can unders10 da factors of such repercussions. My class is dominated by our Western classmates n da other half is of course, the locals. All my professors are American educated Korean – who conventionally hold da idea of Western value of Democracy n Realism. The Koreans, from my humble observation cudn’t deviate away from da West as they began to associate themselves wif da West following da Korean War 1950-1953. They see da North as primarily #1 enemy rather than their own brothers and sisters, who were born on da same land, speaking da same language but only share different thoughts –slash- ideologies. I cud unders10 da logic why. Truly I do.

But as we were da 1 decided 2 go 2 war, reversibly, we cud also decide 2 make peace – Central value propagated by the Constructivist which “concerns with human consciousness, treat ideas as structural factors, considers da dynamic relationship between ideas n material forces as a consequence of how actors interpret their material reality.” (Michael Barnett, 2008)

For 40 years, we believed Cold War would serve as a deadlock relations between the West and the Soviet Unions. Da world even nearly turned into a destruction following the imminent alarm of 1962 Cuban Missile Crisis. Who wud av thought, during those time, Cold War could come 2 and end and Germany 2 b reunited as 1. Could there be truce between the Liberal Democracy and Communist?, they thought. But in da end, those were just not merely myth. It turns out 2 b real.

Dats y, despite da fact we’ve been told, human are irrational, hubris, and violent towards their other kinds, deep inside our hearts, excluding extreme religion beliefs, right wing political stands and racial supremacy, we always longing 4 peace. We desired 4 peace, although most of da time, we’ve been tempted 2 conquer, 2 defeat, n 2 b superior than others.

But as my aspiration remains as personal ideas n reflections, I am always been sidelined. It is always b a downturn after presenting ur views, ur professor disapproves it wif more solid facts n arguments. Of course, da value of a professor’s opinion is absolutely incomparable 2 mine – a doctoral student cum party animal especially in the weekend. Haha. @ a point, I feel disappointed from not being heard, wat more I av an important agenda 4 da world 2 consider.

Going through series of bombarding n tough discussion, I found myself immuned 2 it. My academic thinking is starting adjustable 2 it, without compromising a bit of value I am propagating. I am much stronger class by class, day by day, throwing away as far as possible my inferiority thinking when making da case.

Surprising it is to me, I found that it is much easier 2 wear a realist lense in understanding da conflict (in which a doctoral student is expected to master at). It is only 4 studying purposes n making me following their views (saving time 4 arguments too, ha ha) But conflicts r just facts. It is dere n 4ever, be registered as da same fact unless if we want 2 make a change. N I solely believe, 2 make a change, one need 2 embrace into da causes n development, integrating opportunities within complexities as a stepping stone. This is a process I believe in which I am involving now.

In da end I feel much contended. I juz talked 2 myself perhaps, God thinks Im not ready 2 change da world, yet He spares more time 4 me 2 learn n be matured as a person. Also, why is dere such a rush 2 make a change, since ideas will always remain in one’s soul. It wont die with da body of a believer. But a believer must instill a strong conceptual framework 2 himself n others 2 follow. So, I am juz gonna take dis slowly. Slow n steady baby.

May da idea of peace will never die in our hearts till God decides 2 take dis world over. Amen.

Before penning off, a French explorer n countrymen, Andre Malraux once said, “les ideas ne doivent pas entre pensees, mais vecues.” a.k.a. ideas shud not be thought but lived.

In da name of Peace,

ZI