Life is already complicated: WHY MAKE IT MORE?

Mode: PMS 8^th Scale…Haha

I’ll try to compose a short n precise dis time – str8 hitting da point. No need 2 discuss da cause(s) of da entry, but still I’m lil bit bothered by sum individuals who hard 2 let go of their feelings after few rejections. I wonder, why ppl cant juz move on n live on, after knowing their love isn’t returned 2 their favour. Izzit (really) hard 2 let go sum1 dat u luv, knowing s/he doesn’t feel da same towards u?

Hypothetical: Say, SW knows dat her gurl GMN is eyeing and liking on HTK, n dat has happened since da very beginning, why cant SW juz try 2 accept dis n move on?

Why one still keep on resisting da fact n pressuring oneself 2 win sum1’s heart, while u already know u cudnt b da man? By doing so, aren’t ya juz trying 2 complicate things, by standing in between da two loving souls (in which I believe is already complicated in its nature)? I know deep down, u r hurting, but why wud u choose 2 hurt urself more (longer and harder), even da current is simply unendurable?

OK2. Dun get me wrong ere. Im not siding anyone in dis case. Im neutral. Juz like Switzerland. (^_^) All I intend is 2 minimise da pain n maximise pleasure in life, which we know aint be long n 4ever. I know n fully aware, dat @ times, 1^st luv is truly unforgettable n we shudnt easily surrender 2 love. We shud give our utmost best 2 attain it n strive wif all we can. But not when da possibility is extremely low n insignificant. When u know dat u r no longer in sum1’s eyes, n ur presence is merely a mutual company, u shud stop, wif all due respect 2 ur feelings and emotions, investing ur efforts n hope 2 dat ‘sumone.’ Basic rule says – “It takes 2 to tango.” EXACTLY. U cant dance 2gether if ur dance partner doesn’t follow ur rhythm. Wat even is s/he refuse 2 follow. U simply cant force him/her 2 move, wat more 2 force urself 2 move further.

Simply unfair … and 2 certain extent, cruel.

So close ur eyes, inhale, chin-up n exhale everything – release da feelings n da person from ur mind. Dere’s always sumbody out dere who is patiently waiting 4 ur luv. Like my previous English teacher used 2 say, ‘dere’s always sumbody 4 everybody.’ Period.

N I believe in dat. N I made it through too. To sum, I was merely trapped in dis love triangle thingy. I nearly {emphasis added} fall 4 sum1 whom happened 2 b my best fren’s lover. No need 2 tell how it happened (but check out in da previous entries) but suffice 2 say I manage 2 settle myself quite peacefully from da s***. I knew my limit n didn’t push it over. I eventually came 2 my senses, n without da help of any1, I backed off from da whole triangle, n found my way back to enjoy life. N I proud dat I did dat. (probably after many trainings and experience) lol.

Its juz 1 thing dat I still cudnt figure out – why is my best fren (or he claimed 2 b ex-best fren now) abhors me 2 da max, as if I’ve committed an unforgivable sin. I mean, wat av I done? It was juz a crush, for crying out loud. It wasn’t dat I’ve cheated on him or sumting worse. N I know dis wud b a useless self-defence, but hey, no one can stop me from liking sum1 n vice versa. Dats wat ur heart truly feels n da heart juz cudnt lie. But wat matters is – how r u managing da conflict of interest n move forward!!! N truth b told, I’ve managed it once n 4 all. ALL ALONE BY MYSELF. N u thot dat I’m da most devilish person ever existed on earth? Sumhow, I pity u 4 having dis in ur mind.

So I guess dats it. Da moral of da story dat I gathered – u r not guilty 4 hearting sum1 dat, in a way attracts u 2 do so. But dat sum1 also cudnt b held guilty for rejecting u in da end. Dere is possibly no force 2 like/dislike human as dis is a matter of da heart conviction. Whatever da heart says, it goes. But we shudnt ignore da existence n functions of mind, which God bestowed it 4 us human 2 rationalise stuffs n put things into da correct perspectives (as best as it can)

Conclusion: Life/Love itself is a complication. But why bother 2 make it more complicated. Isn’t simplicity is da best recipe for a gud quality of life? Come on, many disasters ever produced by mankind, are caused by da complications dat men opted 2 react?

Aren’t we had enuff of these?

Smile, laugh and cheer cuz you wont be forever live,

ZI

Don't Leave Me O Beauty

I wish for a longer night

To see the moon shining out bright

Sparkling stars everywhere on my sight

To breeze the mountain-air, refreshing

Running through the lungs, purifying

On top of the balcony, I stand

In the middle of the freezing cold

Alone, mesmerising the skies

Up far, so beautiful, I admire what you are

I feel wide-ness, spacious and borderless

After going a day which is cruel and limited

And now, seeing a melancholic night I am

With no other worries, free from conflicting concerns

I wish for a longer night

So that my problems seem to be far away

Carrying forced obligations along the trail

Leaving my soul empty and lonely

By adoring you and the stars

Loneliness is bliss

A gift … to the heart to swift

Along with the breezy winds, underneath the dark universe

I feel ease, I can breath

I feel serendipity enrapturing, sadness eliminating

I could see the beauty

Strangely, hard to describe, easily to be felt

Because beauty is to be sensed, not to be told

I wish the night could be longer

To count the stars as there is no tomorrow

To feel the calm as there is nothing to worry

To enjoy loneliness as there could not be betrayal

To stay underneath the borderless screen, exhausting from running

Chasing every second in life

I just want to be here, just here I stand

Every minute now and then

When there is no pain, suffering and separation

I don’t want to face tomorrow

An uncertain life which full of cruelty and misery

Which the hearts opts nothing but for dishonesty

Which the minds choose no other than hypocrisy

Please, I beg Thy, stop the time

Take everything that is mine

Leave my soul; leave my heart, my mind to cherish the night

I wish the night to be longer

But the stars are fading away

The moon is turning grey

They both shalt perish

Fearing the sun rising out east

Leaving me aimlessly

Ignoring me helplessly

Crying, suffering and suffocating

In the world of misery

Without goodbyes and farewell

I can see you are avoiding me.

0236

November 16^th 2009

SD-1 Balcony, IUJ

Between Arrogance and Innocence

Mode: Without words (the vid is enclosed in da previous entry)

Many of me mates been asking, wats so special bout being addicted to Korean Dramas? Wat cud b da spell dat has made my evenings turn into sleepless nites n most of my days spent listening 2 their musics? It cudnt b bcuz of d actors/actress looks cuz dere r many more gud looking movie stars, especially from da West. And more obvious, wat’s so extravagant bout da country dat made me being very tight on my budget, juz 2 save 4 my Korean trip next year?

Wat a hefty list of questions... which only lead 2 a simple n single answer.

It’s becuz of my emotional attachments 2 da movies dat have made me fallen helplessly into da country n its ppl. N dat emotional attachment has taught me many things; concerning love (sahrang), friendship (u-chong) and relationship (kwang-ge). If I wud write every single thing dat I encountered from my endless indulgence, it cud b ages (n boring too). So lemme juz pick one of d things dat I’ve discovered between one being arrogant and innocent.

Point of Reference: You’re Beautiful starring Jang Geun Suk and Park Shin Hye

I used 2 believe dat love finds equality in both partners. A charming, loving, n gud looking guy wud end up wif a beautiful, caring n mesmerising gurl. They probably fallen, under da notion of “love @ first sight.” It is so powerful dat able 2 catch da victims of love, without any means of escape. Hence, although with differences like life status n background, they still b in love n b prepared 2 face any changes come wat may. Dis is wat we learnt in World’s love epic Romeo and Juliet, 1001 nights, Cinderella, Snow White up to da recent ‘Titanic’ in 1998. In da end, despite the everyone-know ending “they lived happily ever after”, we develop a thinking – they juz perfectly match 2 b 2gether. He’s handsome n she’s pretty n dats it. Period.

But “You’re Beautiful” demonstrates a different angle on how both can b falling in love. They began with tough relationship, not as da classics have shown. Being the nation’s top vocalist, (I’m not sure whether dis is da case in reality), Hwang Taek Yung is known for his heartless, arrogant and boastful personality. Although later I’ve discovered why he cud turn out like dat, but enw, his snobbish-ness made me think whatever-laa. On the other hand, Go Mi Nam, a transforming nun into being an artist, is adored for her straight-minded, sincere, and most important, her innocence. Come on, she’s so naive and straightforward type of gurl and they met in a performing band named A.N.JELL and dats how everything started.

Many scenes are portraying dat one’s high-esteemed of arrogance cud b mellowed down by da virtues of another being innocent. Because GMN is so sincere and naïve, many of her actions have resulted HTK 2 think back n deeper after been harsh 2 her. He’s been taken back, giving him a moment 2 more understand her personality n gradually believe dat he shudnt b so mean 2 her anymore. His heart is won by a gurl who is not-so-pretty but because of her pure intentions, she manages 2 trip a guy 4 a second 2 think – how extraordinary da gurl cud meant to him.

GMN on da other hand, though had no experience falling in luv (as in da movie), was struck eventually when knowing, despite of da bad treatment given by HTY, da guy still care 4 her. Although, up 2 dis episode, without words, she feels love is coming n senses da feeling spreading through her heart. N becuz of her innocence, da blossoming aura dat snaps her heart is a true feeling, a pure luv dat began 2 set its paths. I guess no matter how strange da personality of a person is, a human can never be naïve when it comes 2 luv. It’s a basic thing dat connects a homosapien 2 another species of its own.

Thus, da overall falling 4 each other process wasn’t happened so classically romantic but full of fun, real and normal. Dat makes da drama stands higher among others, cuz through yelling, screaming and harsh treatments by HTY, luv is flying in da air. Da director has successfully, I think, make da scene more sweet n romantic as it is real, common n not too fantasise like other movies do. An arrogant man’s heart is touched by an innocent naïve gurl, likewise, a straightforward gurl is falling in luv wif a guy who always being rude n disrespectful.

Hence, da formula I’ve gathered: ARROGANCE + IGNORANCE = PERFECT MATCH *wink*

Seems illogical @ 1^st, but very remarkably sweet if u can think of it (as shown in da drama)

I also admire Shin Woo. Although how much he hearts GMN, he decided not 2 let it bursts, fearing of worsening da situation. And I pity him, 4 loosing so many opportunities 2 express his luv, bcuz of his respectful opinion 2 HTK and GMN. I cud feel how tormenting he is, suffering from sealing everything (his feelings, his tears and sadness) tightly 2 himself. Juz 4 his own endurance!!! I know da most painful da heart cud suffer is, 4 not revealing 2 sum1 how much u care/luv him/her n how much important s/he is 2 u. Worst, when u sat beside da person, knowing dat s/he is leaving u n never cud b urs. Arghhhh… how pitiful n I hate dis kinds of situations. Nevertheless, SW has all of my admiration, for his long suffocation n high patience since he cud never b da one 4 GMN.

Isn’t it love is not 2 possess but 2 let sumone dat u luv lives happily (even though not being wif u?)

I’ve learnt dat, all I need 2 do is pursuing life juz in da way I am. No need 2 b sum1 which isn’t u, although u mite think ppl mite dislike ur appearance n personality juz being urself. If u changed, dat person mite not fall 4 u truly, but for another person u r trying 2 b. In da end, it is not u dat s/he loves, but da character dat u imitate falsely. And even s/he doesn’t like u (worst case scenario), 4 being who u r, u juz av 2 accept it n move on. Dere is still sum1 out dere who is endlessly waiting 4 ur luv, n adore u 4 being who u r simply. N dat person will stay by ur side everlastingly bcuz by juz being u, his/her life is so meaningful and perfect. Most important, u will not deceive him/her, wat more 2 urself. As GMN is facing through, da luv will still find her although how not-appealing she is in da eyes of an ordinary man. Love Will Show You Everything (^_^)

Occay then, I better pen-off n limit my praise 2 dis film. It’s still @ preliminary screening, thus, I cudnt make my generalisation 2 its entirety. Dere cud b series of unfortunate turn ups dat made my heart crashes (especially with da existence of the 3Bs in the drama) as other Korean films do. But so far, I think, it has been doing fine n I’m helplessly surrendering my devotion 2 dis drama. It’s a pain 2 wait 4 next episode b screened since its currently showing in Korea twice a week. Penantian Itu Satu Penyiksaan, rite? But if its 4 a gud cause n ending, such suffering is worth 2 b felt.

To those who wish 2 join me in my new addiction, u r always welcome. Dis is da best rendition I can find in da internet 2 closely follow da movie - http://www.youtube.com/user/Pyrite5ive

Credit to Pyrite5ive 4 his/her hard time in subbing da movie, 4 others 2 better view. For all ur effort and hardwork, I truly thank you. Komawa samida.

So in da end,

POLL: Do you think I can be a gud movie reviewer in d future? I mite seriously consider if da outcome seems 2 b +’ve. (^_^)

Sahrang, U-Chong and Kwang-Ge,

ZI

Updates and Poll

Mode: PMS

“Boys Before Flowers” and “You’re Beautiful” strike at their most. Deeply sad and very much disturbed now =(


Quoting Chuck Palahnuik (credit to Tash):

“The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever be the same.”



Do you agree?

Without A Word

I shouldn’t have done that

I should have just ignored it

Like something I couldn’t see

Like something I can’t see

I shouldn’t have looked at you at all

I should have run away

U should have acted like I didn’t hear it

Like something I couldn’t hear

Like something I can’t hear

I shouldn’t have listened to love at all

Without a world you let me know love

Without a word you gave me love

You made me even hold of your breath but

You ran away like this

Without a word love leaves me

Without a word love tosses me away

What should I say next?

My closed lips were surprised on their own

Coming without any words

Why does it so much?

Why does it hurt continuously?

Except for the fact that I can’t see you anymore

And that you are not here anymore

Otherwise it is the same as before

Without a word tears fall

Without a word my heart breaks down

Without a world I wait for love

Without a word I hurt because of love

I zone out, I became a fool because I cry looking at the sky

Without a word farewell finds me

Without a word the end comes to me

I think my heart was surprised to send you away without any preparation

It came without a word

Without a word it comes and leaves

Like the fever before, maybe all I need to do is hurt for a while

Because in the end, only scars are left

Happiness and I.

Sometimes, (or most of da time), I’ve been wondering, y am I not being happy. Despite everything we’ve put efforts in, happiness seems 2 b far away. As a middle class average person, I av everything dat it takes 2 live well on earth. I’ve a family (although we only quarrel most of da time), qualification (although studying has its ups n downs), used 2 av a decent job (although I contest a lot wif my superior (^_^), circles of friends (whom less I can put my trust on), a bit of money (not many but suffice 2 live on without parents’ assistance) and many more. I am a perfect creation of The Almighty which enables me to function effectively as a human. But still I’m not happy. Why o why?

Truth be told, my solo trip 2 Nagaoka has changed my dimension of one being happy. 2 cut it short, couple of days ago, I, out of da blue, ran off 2 a city situated up-north of Urasa. Since I’ve got all commitments accomplished n having no appointments, Nagaoka suddenly trips my mind. Y not I juz run away from dis boring campus life 4 a day? A day of escapade wudn’t do any harm although many of me frens reluctantly 2 join in, since its in da middle of da week. @ 1^st, I was divided whether2 go or not 2 go. I dun understand Japanese (my fault 4 not learning hard) and if I get lost, I wud juz allow trouble 2 crash me. But my heart says, juz do it! U’ll never know wat will turn out, but da journey cud b a worthwhile experience. Besides, isn’t Lord is da best Caretaker n Protector of all?

MJ’s “Beat It” mode suddenly activated.

N 2 my expectation, it went well. I had a nice get-a-way, meeting wonderful ppl, sightseeing in da beautiful Japanese weather, leisuring in shopping malls n bookstore (did sum shopping too), n having a delicious Udon 4 lunch. N I did it alone. JUST.BY.MYSELF. I went wif a doubtful expression n came back (sound n well) wif satisfactory smile.

So wat dis has taught me?

First, of course I thank God. Because of His supervision n protection, I was free from any trouble n travelling complication. I feel, s long s I’m living under His created sun, walking on His Land, breathing His air, all of His Blessings will b wif me. I shud b rest assured dat He will b watching on me n comes wat may, His Will will prevent any dangers n harm 2 all of His loving mankind. I put my trust on Him n having dat in my mind, I feel sufficient.

Second, I dun need ppl around 2 b happy. I alone can b happy n make myself happy. @ 1^st, I was afraid if I cudnt enjoy my trip, having no companions 2 go with all alone in da city where communication cud b n issue. But da outcome has turned out upside down. I finally av a time 4 myself. A moment 2 treat myself sumting fancy after going through a hard week. Above all, wat I did simply means, I myself is responsible 4 my own happiness. Doesn’t matter if ppl aren’t around. They r juz da additional flavours 2 make my life more colourful n spicier. But by simply having me alone, I still cud lead my life perfectly. From now on, I will never put da accountability of others 2 make me happy. Having myself will do.

Third, loneliness is a form of beauty. By 1 being lonely, it frees him 4 any kinds of evils committed by mankind. Have u ever climbed 2 da roof-top, in da middle of da nite, lying down n witness da sparkling stars? Or da moment u wake up, wif a hot choc on ur palm, u enjoy da sunlight rising between da mountains, hearing da birds chirping melodiously? Lastly, av u ever walked down by da sea side, cherishing da redish skies upon sunsets? And all of these, I’ve done em alone. JUZ.BY.MESELF. U’ll feel da world has left behind u n da only thing dat u know, u r @ da top of everything - feeling zero worries n free. Da unification of one’s soul wif da Mother Nature is simply indescribable. A complete bliss.

Many of u already b told, dat life in IUJ offers a different perspective than wat I encountered. I am (still) in da middle of transformation n adjustment from enjoying an elite life of an urban city into a rural life dat has nothing, apart from da superb internet connection. Dun mention clubbing, cuz even da nearest cinema will take me 40 mins by train. I miss dat life (truly, madly n deeply I do). I’ve been raised up in an urban metro, studying in big cities n suddenly wind brings me 2 a valley surrounded by paddy fields n mountains. Wat on earth, da irony cud b? Still, I believe I can b happy ere. I can devote everything 2 myself ere. I begin 2 enjoy my life ere n start 2 miss dis place when I’m gone next year. Dis place, dis lifestyle, its memories will terribly be missed. I.JUZ.KNOW.

Once I’ve been whining on my lifeless imprisonment ere. Stuck in a 4 x 3 meter room, in da cold of da nite makes me dead or else a living zombie. N now I’m saying - I was in dat state b4 but no longer now n in da next few months, becuz I av found my life ere. Juz being in dis small 4 x 3 meter confinement. Wif da long hours @ nite, wif a hot chocolate n some cookies (and Haagen Daaz of course) under da duvet, I am flying 2 Korea by watching those series marathon-ly till early morning. I’ve been wishing 2 do dat since I was last addicted in 2006 graduation. And for 3 years, my commitments have deprived me from indulging back into it. But now, God gives it back 2 me. Heaven bliss. Those who aren’t Korean obsessions will completely be laughing how silly dis cud b. But try 2 watch 1, n u’ll know wat I say n feel. A recent released “You’re beautiful” starring Jang Geun Suk and Park Shin Hye wud b gud 2 start wif.

Sumtimes, I wish I cud b imprisoned (in real prison, I mean) (^_^) provided dat, they give me a lappie wif excellent connection, papers and pens. Those r juz da things dat I utterly needed in my life now. Those will keep my life moving n fulfilling.

So now, dere’s nothing else I want 2 do ere but 2 enjoy His blessings granted me 2 b ere. I know dis wont last long. @ a point, I will av 2 bid farewell, n off 2 da reality in which I belonged to. As much as I wanted 2 stay ere, those seem 2 b dreams n beautiful wishes. Hence from today on, I will wake up, telling meself dere’s a lot of things 2 do, many stuffs 2 c, wif lil time 2 have. And da clock is ticking second by second, reminding me how closed I am 2 my reality. Dis life ere, (in IUJ) certainly isn’t a fantasy, but far better than da reality I’m going through back home.

In da end, I realised happiness can b found everywhere. It exists in you. Embedded in ur soul, in ur mind. No matter where fate has brought u, dere’s always a room 2 b happy. N da room is spacious n borderless cuz da heart will never has its confinement. Happiness isn’t sumting 2 b sought, neither 2 b searched. It is to be felt n 2 b cherished wif. All u need 2 do is juz 2 close ur eyes n open up ur heart. It will find u. Eventually…

Because of dis, u dun need others 2 b happy. Simply having u is sufficient. Ppl cant give u happiness. They cud only b da reason(s). But above all, it is you who can make ur life happy. We r responsible 4 our own happiness n not 2 shoulder it on others. Shud u sail on a severe downturn in life, ask urself – “wat can I do 2 make me happy again?” In da end, da stormy weathers will pass, n after heavy rains, da sun will shine so brightly. Why bother 2 mourn all along in da rain, but not preparing 2 celebrate da coming sun, after da rain?

I always say 2 my frens “Be Happy. Life is Short.” And da truth is, my life in IUJ is even shorter than everything. I av bouquets of happiness, tranquility and bliss 2 explore but only 4 a short period of time. Its either I enjoy it now or it will b gone 4ever.

LIFE IS KICKING NOW, ZOKHRI. IT’S EITHER NOW OR NEVER.

P/S: Next mission, conquering Tokyo 6 – 8 October 2009.

Live well, be happy,

ZI

The Power of Dreams

Dis entry contains (18 PL): STRICTLY INTENDED FOR ADULTS WITH NEUTRAL MIND N HIGH LEVEL OF OPENMINDEDNESS. It may contain strong horror/terror, romantic scenes, religious aspects viewer may find objectionable. The author shall not be held responsible for the terrifying repugnance of the readers. U’VE BEEN WARNED!

I dunno wat cud b da cause. I’m having series of dreams l8ly (certain cases they turned into nitemares). Sumtimes, it dragged me all day long, thinking n analyzing da sign. But one thing I convincingly reckon – I must av had gud sleeps then. Da moment I woke up, my mind was completely clear and empty. Unlike when I’m dreaming back home, I can reach 2 da end point of my dreams ere, without any interruption or disturbance. Obviously, I dun blame me parents 4 without fail, banging my door everytime they leave for Fajr prayers. But still, I feel grumpy cause my dreams will b incomplete (n juz cut-off like dat). Its very depressing ya know, da moment when u reach da climax of da whole journey, suddenly da screen went blurry n within few secs I realised, Im back 2 reality, hearing my mum’s morning call 4 prayers. It’s like WTH mannn, apekah???)

I believe dreams av some sort of connectivity wif our life. If u really wish/crave 4 sumting, it has a chance to appear in your dreams. So be careful, and remember to think of da happiest thing b4 u go 2 bed. And I’ve got dis hypotheses proven too. Certainly in my case! Although it mite not work out all da time, but out of 10, I wud give 6 4 its likelihood 2 happen. OK, I know I wud be embarrassing meself 4 sharing dis. But its always be my habit, upon switching off da final lite in my room, I wud b imagining who will b waiting 4 me in bed. (Occay, once u’ve read dis, U’ve got 2 finish 2 da last sentence 2 get da context rite n accurate)

2^ND ALERT: The sentences following mite contain sum high level of intimacy n amorous romance which deemed not really suitable for underage. Under 18 mite read wif a supervision of an adult. An open-minded adult, I mean. Lol. WTF

Enw, da story shall continue.

So, when I had my lights switched off, I’ve started 2 mumble sumone’s name, imagining dat person on bed. (Too bad da names changed 4 every single day). I will av a monologue sumting like dis:

Me: (While stretching da duvet over my body) “Hows ur day today? Mine quite OK I think. I had dis n dat, I’ve done dis n dat, been here n dere” bla…bla…bla. (In details as if u r presenting a full report on ur whereabouts daily to sumone slash special) I wud firstly face to my leftside, imagining facing me bed-partner n mumbling bout my daily stuffs n da pressure I’ve been through. After dat, I wud say outloud, “X, I miss ya soo much. Bogoshipdaaaaaa. Wish u were ere.” Then I closed me eyes n inhales deeply. Within 10 secs, I wud prevalently lost consciousness.

And it works.

CASE 1 (Data sampling: AAA)

2 me, dis is da sweetest dream ever (OK it mite be da scariest 2 u). Its always be my (utmost) wish 2 b born wif a XX chromosome n 2 marry a charming guy dat loves me 4 who I am. N in dis dream, I remember I’ve becoming a gurl (yeay…my wish comes true) n currently dating a guy. Of course dis guy exist in my real life. I had a crushed on him since his first time calling me through da phone (It lasts 4 2 hours Occay! Dun play2) Enw, dis guy, in his white short sleeves n jeans, wuz asking me 2 go 4 a ride wif him 2 his house. We went n upon @ da dining table, while we had a fine English cuisine; he uttered da four-magic-word. I was lost in transition dat time, anylising – Lord, cud dis b real??? And after whispering da single word Y_ _, he came 2 me wif a ring n put it on my finger. While I was personifying da thing on me lil finger, he rang his parents indicating his intention 2 wed. Later he sent me home wif his car (I can’t actually remember da car in my dream altho I’m very much sure it wasn’t da same wif wat he has in reality – which he used 2 pick me up when we go sightseeing). Da next thing I saw was my IUJ room wall n I know it’s already over. But it took me 30 mins 2 re-start da heart n mind as I never (in my 26 years of existence) had dis kind of dream ever b4. Yup, shocking 2 u, wat more 2 me!

CASE II (Data Sampling: MFCA)

Probably dis dream comes in a lighter degree of intenseness from da 1 told b4. OK, I av always regard dis guy as a touch-n-go fren. He will come 2 me when he has probs, n promised a lot of things 2 return my kindness (dat I wasn’t really hoping pun) but in da end made me disappointed. He promised 2 meet up when he comes back from studying in overseas but in da end, None. Nil. Zilch. Ellek. So I kinda hate dis guy. N 4 crying out loud, he appeared in my dream. We were making Eidulfitr dishes 2 b served to frens n guests. I can still vividly remember, he justifies his MIA n disappearance 2 me, while stirring da Peanut Sauce a.k.a Kuah Kacang. N I was juz listening, without paying attention as I was bored 2 hear his series of lame excuses. After hours of cooking n preparation, da meal’s done n we cleared up da kitchen. Within few secs, I can sense da heat coming from da sunlight through da sliding window of my room in IUJ. Dream’s over.

CASE III (Data Sampling: HI)

Despite our 1 n only meeting, I’ve been very closed wif dis guy. We had a chance 2 know each other (4 juz 2 hours) while I had my internship in Jakarta. N through online communication, dis guy had made me started 2 like him. Totally on words as we never call or meet since da day I departed home. N he came in my dream. YEAY. We went shopping (merely looking around 2 b precise) @ da mall where we first met. We walked, we dined, we stopped n looked things around, we talked n we shared stories. But I cudn’t accurately recall anything else, but he had a different hairstyle depiction when I met him 4 real. In my dream, his hair was slightly longer n thicker, juz like on one of his FB pics 2 years ago, which I saved in my Iphone. Ha Ha. I guessed it must be everytime I browsed da gadget, without fail, I will look into his pic. N dat seemed 2 appear in my dreams.

So wat dis cases mean 2 me?

First I realized, if u really craving 4 sumting, God will give u chance 2 feel it (although merely in dreams!) n I think its fair enuff 2 me. Since I cudnt av it in real, merely experiencing em in my dreams (only 4 couple of hours), I feel more than happy. Seriously. So dat, everytime I start my day, my lips r smiling widely, grinning n laughing all alone in my room. It boosts up my mode, indoctrinating myself, it’s definitely gonna b a gud day. Simply bcuz I had a gud start @ da very beginning.

Second, no matter wat u dream, it remains s ur personal treasure n value. N it will b sealed tightly in ur memories, being da world’s greatest secret bout u n ur crush. As it mite not happen in real world, God has made it happen in ur dreams. Shud we b thankful 4 a few hours of greatest moment – for turning our wish come true?

Third, I know truest dream will never cum true. It mite b becuz I desire 4 sumting beyond reasonable imagination, far across human norms n nature. N one has 2 be intelligent n wise 2 draw a line between a world of fantasy n da world of reality. No matter how high u’ve flown in ur dreams, but always remember 2 land ur feet back 2 da ground soon after da journey is over. We need 2 grasp da limit dat reality has to offer. By dat, we need 2 b realistic n reasonable 2 ourselves. Da world is so cruel out dere babe. It has no mercy n enuff love 4 all of us. Thus, once dream is ended, we ought 2 equip ourselves wif sum persistence n determination 2 face a day of reality.

Dream as much as you like, fly to as many skies as you want, but always remember where you start.

-Zokhri Idris-

The reason why our hearts keep on beating is because 4 every second n moment we keep on fighting. Fighting 4 a survival, fighting 4 a life.

-Aja Aja Fighting-

I’m glad I had those dreams. They keep me alive n satisfied 2 begin da day which full of uncertainties. They r important n I need em. And on top of dis conviction, I hope I’ll be able 2 reach 2 da next phase – 2 regard dreams s a sign in my life. I’m hoping dat eventually, dreams will guide me, being one source of consideration before every decision is made. It will lead me da way, showing me da rite path 2 choose, n giving me da means 2 go through. @ dis level of belief, I will think dat dreams r crucially significant. They shud b listened 2. Simply bcuz, da higher power is trying 2 tell u sumting, via ur nite dreams. Av u ever watched “If Only” starred by Paul Nichols and Jennifer Love-Hewitt? Go and watch it n tell me wat ya think.

Dream my love, for a nite, one shalt be tranquil n bliss, far away from da cruel world.

ZI