I NEED DISTRACTIONS ... PLEASE

Need to keep me arse running, sparing no room of loneliness in the mind, I need to sweat as much as I need to breathe.

Above all, I juz wanna move on.

So, lets keep on rolling Zokh:


19th March 2009 – Academic presentation on “Institution and Economic Growth: Europe after World War II”
comments: Nearly collapsed on the stage. –giggles-


21st March 2009 – Written exam on ‘Multilateral Institutions and Asia-Europe Economic Development’
comments: Great =( Just GREAT (^_^)


21st March (Evening) – Asia-Europe Gala Night 2009 (Kuala Lumpur Hilton).
comments: Yeay – Monte Carlo, Tuxedo. Time to be gorgeous and hawt, bitches =)


25th March 2009 – FSPPP Interview and Preliminary Presentation of Dissertation “The Collapse of American Superpower: The Case of 9/11 and aftermath”
comments: I know I gonna screw up. My 2nd death-call is about to be made.


MAY THE FORCE BE WITH ME !!!

A PARADOX OF THE HEART

Loving,

As much as I try to forget you
Seems there’s nothing much I can do
Trying hard to spare my feelings
Although there’s so much to bare for healings
I wish we never met
Hence my heart and mind won’t be sad
I wish you were never exist
Resulting my love and tender to cease
It’s hurt to learn your very presence
It’s much more hurting my feelings come to existence
Why dear Lord? Why this could happen?
Why I am so much driven?
I am just a mortal who wants to be happy
Every seconds and minutes passed would not be blasphemy
Why it’s him you sent to me?
Whereas the things to enjoy are so many
I want to live I want to be free
My life is just once not two or three
As you are (blissful) with someone
I wish t stay away as I am not the bad man
The more I ran, the more I resist
Your voice comes clearer although merely a hiss
My reasonableness wants you to go away
But my desire simply wants you to stay
I am shattered, my minds fickled
My hands chained, my feet grounded
Trapped, drowning, aimlessly breathing
Confused, suffering and forever anxiously waiting …



1421: Classroom : where loneliness and boredom matter

Its My Life

This ain't a song for the broken-hearted

No silent prayer for the faith-departed

I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd

You're gonna hear my voice

When I shout it out loud

It's my life

It's now or never

I ain't gonna live forever

I just want to live while I'm alive (It's my life)

My heart is like an open highway

Like Frankie said I did it my way

I just wanna live while I'm alive

It's my life

This is for the ones who stood their ground

For Tommy and Gina who never backed down

Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake

Luck ain't even lucky

Got to make your own breaks

It's my life

And it's now or never

I ain't gonna live forever

I just want to live while I'm alive (It's my life)

My heart is like an open highway

Like Frankie said I did it my way

I just want to live while I'm alive

'Cause it's my world

Better stand tall when they're calling you out

Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down

It's my life

And it's now or never

'Cause I ain't gonna live forever

I just want to live while I'm alive (It's my life)

My heart is like an open highway

Like Frankie said I did it my way

I just want to live while I'm alive

It's my life

And it's now or never

'Cause I ain't gonna live forever

I just want to live while I'm alive (It's my life)

My heart is like an open highway

Like Frankie said I did it my way

I just want to live while I'm alive

'Cause it's my life!

After A While ...

After sumtimes, perhaps, dis is da best chemistry I can provide u, explaining my current state of mind n soul.


(FREEDOM IS COMING) + (FEAR IS GONE) =

A FREE MAN I AM (WITH LIBERALISED SOUL)


4 da past 2 months, I’ve been (purposely) restricting myself 2 blogging bcuz of a reason (but dat doesn’t exclude my laziness still lol). It has come 2 my knowledge dat sum1 (dat I used 2 love n 2 adore) knew my blog n been following asignofthecreator since we make-up. Every lil things I wrote got through his mind, resulting into a series of minor quarrelling, although we both fully conscious dat no one cud ever stop me from blogging on anything dat crossed me mind.


N 4 da sake of rescuing our relationship (which has been on da rock – @ da end of a cliff waiting 2 crash), I decided 2 slow down n only 2 blog whenever its utterly unavoidable. Dats y u only see very few postings 4 da past 3 months. I voluntarily sealed my mouth not 2 share publicly juz 2 tolerate wif him n not 2 invite unnecessary plus irrelevant disturbance while reconciling (or in an academic branding known as conflict and dispute settlement) LOL. I humbly believe dat I’ve done my best 2 save sumting dat once remarkably important in my life.


But truth be told, it was an unsuccessful attempt. Our relationship is torn and impossibly to be mended up. Its OK. I’ve gone through da sweat n tears n now completely recharged. @ least im proud 4 being trying not 2 let it happen (although not 2 my very best u wud argue). After all, my private counsellor used 2 say, “Things juz happened wanzue.” Its either we try to accept it and embrace it, or 4ever live in da denial … which da latter option seems 2 b very idealistic n not pragmatic (at all).


So dis is where I am. Single. Free. Tranquil n blissful. Happy n adorable as usual –grins- no 1 can stop me from speaking out me mind n expressing meself now. I am wat I am n not afraid 2 be Me. I can sense my feelings n emotions be liberalised n da fear is gone, leaving me @ a best state of independence and survival.


Hail Zokhri d Magnificient (^_^)


I can c a niu day has come, da sun is rising up high, sweeping da stormy n dark clouds far away. Birds began chirping, n da flowers started 2 blossom (ok enuff of fanstasizing Zokh, u’ve crossed da board) ngeh ngeh. Dis is a brand new moment, n I’m all up 2 face it – without turning back n stepping behind.


I WANT TO LIVE


I WANT TO BREATHE


I WANT TO BE HAPPY


I’ve already av plans in mind after graduation. PhD – lecturing – joining movements (erk its kinda legal one although underground…dun wery mum) – travelling- making new frens – n probably open up my heart n fall in love (again) {big grins} I’m also considering 2 do my second degree on English Literature (matilaaaa nak jadi Shakespere katanyeh)


No doubt, loneliness is always contacting, seeing me through da windows. But I’ll let it conquer no more. If u ask me whether Im lonely, of course I am. It’s a normal phase after every break-ups, which a mortal human needs 2 go through. But dat doesn’t put a stop 2 live. Its juz another transition b4 u move 2 da next chapter which hopefully 2 b happier n merrier. Isn’t it best 2 have a pause once in a while in life?


So, where does dat bring us? Yup, I’ve told ya I’m still alive n breathing. I am single n im happy being one.
Im proud on wat I’ve been through, I feel strong after facing da truth
I wont be mad I wont be sad, cuz I know life would not always be bad.

Thanks 2 all who av lent their support, 4 being wif me when I needed em. U guys r da greatest n bestest. 4 every minutes passed, 4 every cups of coffee u spent on me, while listening 2 my stories (n sumtimes theories too) lol I thank u. I am back 2 business and moving on 2 rawk da world.


Specifically dere r two things dat I owe 4 healing my misery:

First, ‘Twilight’ novel by Stephenie Meyer. OMG … If a vampire cud b real and be as nice as an angel, I’ll surrender everything juz 2 b wif him. (Hayoooooooo statementtt) =)

Second, Bon Jovi’s marvellous rendition of “Its My Life”. Everytime I sang and heard da song, a new momentum has geared up. N I wont 4get da moment wif da gurlies (SIS, Eva, Yusnita & Rizalina) karaokeing dis song (like hell) till I loose me voice n contracting two-day-sorethroat. N dis shall be da theme song 4 me, in da next couple of months.


P/S: My mate has once sed: “Having sex while u were cheating ur partner is da best ever.” N I cudnt agree more. Hihi


Roger n out…



Yours truly,

ZI