After sumtimes, perhaps, dis is da best chemistry I can provide u, explaining my current state of mind n soul.
(FREEDOM IS COMING) + (FEAR IS GONE) =
(FREEDOM IS COMING) + (FEAR IS GONE) =
A FREE MAN I AM (WITH LIBERALISED SOUL)
4 da past 2 months, I’ve been (purposely) restricting myself 2 blogging bcuz of a reason (but dat doesn’t exclude my laziness still lol). It has come 2 my knowledge dat sum1 (dat I used 2 love n 2 adore) knew my blog n been following asignofthecreator since we make-up. Every lil things I wrote got through his mind, resulting into a series of minor quarrelling, although we both fully conscious dat no one cud ever stop me from blogging on anything dat crossed me mind.
N 4 da sake of rescuing our relationship (which has been on da rock – @ da end of a cliff waiting 2 crash), I decided 2 slow down n only 2 blog whenever its utterly unavoidable. Dats y u only see very few postings 4 da past 3 months. I voluntarily sealed my mouth not 2 share publicly juz 2 tolerate wif him n not 2 invite unnecessary plus irrelevant disturbance while reconciling (or in an academic branding known as conflict and dispute settlement) LOL. I humbly believe dat I’ve done my best 2 save sumting dat once remarkably important in my life.
But truth be told, it was an unsuccessful attempt. Our relationship is torn and impossibly to be mended up. Its OK. I’ve gone through da sweat n tears n now completely recharged. @ least im proud 4 being trying not 2 let it happen (although not 2 my very best u wud argue). After all, my private counsellor used 2 say, “Things juz happened wanzue.” Its either we try to accept it and embrace it, or 4ever live in da denial … which da latter option seems 2 b very idealistic n not pragmatic (at all).
So dis is where I am. Single. Free. Tranquil n blissful. Happy n adorable as usual –grins- no 1 can stop me from speaking out me mind n expressing meself now. I am wat I am n not afraid 2 be Me. I can sense my feelings n emotions be liberalised n da fear is gone, leaving me @ a best state of independence and survival.
Hail Zokhri d Magnificient (^_^)
I can c a niu day has come, da sun is rising up high, sweeping da stormy n dark clouds far away. Birds began chirping, n da flowers started 2 blossom (ok enuff of fanstasizing Zokh, u’ve crossed da board) ngeh ngeh. Dis is a brand new moment, n I’m all up 2 face it – without turning back n stepping behind.
I WANT TO LIVE
I WANT TO BREATHE
I WANT TO BE HAPPY
I’ve already av plans in mind after graduation. PhD – lecturing – joining movements (erk its kinda legal one although underground…dun wery mum) – travelling- making new frens – n probably open up my heart n fall in love (again) {big grins} I’m also considering 2 do my second degree on English Literature (matilaaaa nak jadi Shakespere katanyeh)
No doubt, loneliness is always contacting, seeing me through da windows. But I’ll let it conquer no more. If u ask me whether Im lonely, of course I am. It’s a normal phase after every break-ups, which a mortal human needs 2 go through. But dat doesn’t put a stop 2 live. Its juz another transition b4 u move 2 da next chapter which hopefully 2 b happier n merrier. Isn’t it best 2 have a pause once in a while in life?
So, where does dat bring us? Yup, I’ve told ya I’m still alive n breathing. I am single n im happy being one.
Im proud on wat I’ve been through, I feel strong after facing da truth
I wont be mad I wont be sad, cuz I know life would not always be bad.
4 da past 2 months, I’ve been (purposely) restricting myself 2 blogging bcuz of a reason (but dat doesn’t exclude my laziness still lol). It has come 2 my knowledge dat sum1 (dat I used 2 love n 2 adore) knew my blog n been following asignofthecreator since we make-up. Every lil things I wrote got through his mind, resulting into a series of minor quarrelling, although we both fully conscious dat no one cud ever stop me from blogging on anything dat crossed me mind.
N 4 da sake of rescuing our relationship (which has been on da rock – @ da end of a cliff waiting 2 crash), I decided 2 slow down n only 2 blog whenever its utterly unavoidable. Dats y u only see very few postings 4 da past 3 months. I voluntarily sealed my mouth not 2 share publicly juz 2 tolerate wif him n not 2 invite unnecessary plus irrelevant disturbance while reconciling (or in an academic branding known as conflict and dispute settlement) LOL. I humbly believe dat I’ve done my best 2 save sumting dat once remarkably important in my life.
But truth be told, it was an unsuccessful attempt. Our relationship is torn and impossibly to be mended up. Its OK. I’ve gone through da sweat n tears n now completely recharged. @ least im proud 4 being trying not 2 let it happen (although not 2 my very best u wud argue). After all, my private counsellor used 2 say, “Things juz happened wanzue.” Its either we try to accept it and embrace it, or 4ever live in da denial … which da latter option seems 2 b very idealistic n not pragmatic (at all).
So dis is where I am. Single. Free. Tranquil n blissful. Happy n adorable as usual –grins- no 1 can stop me from speaking out me mind n expressing meself now. I am wat I am n not afraid 2 be Me. I can sense my feelings n emotions be liberalised n da fear is gone, leaving me @ a best state of independence and survival.
Hail Zokhri d Magnificient (^_^)
I can c a niu day has come, da sun is rising up high, sweeping da stormy n dark clouds far away. Birds began chirping, n da flowers started 2 blossom (ok enuff of fanstasizing Zokh, u’ve crossed da board) ngeh ngeh. Dis is a brand new moment, n I’m all up 2 face it – without turning back n stepping behind.
I WANT TO LIVE
I WANT TO BREATHE
I WANT TO BE HAPPY
I’ve already av plans in mind after graduation. PhD – lecturing – joining movements (erk its kinda legal one although underground…dun wery mum) – travelling- making new frens – n probably open up my heart n fall in love (again) {big grins} I’m also considering 2 do my second degree on English Literature (matilaaaa nak jadi Shakespere katanyeh)
No doubt, loneliness is always contacting, seeing me through da windows. But I’ll let it conquer no more. If u ask me whether Im lonely, of course I am. It’s a normal phase after every break-ups, which a mortal human needs 2 go through. But dat doesn’t put a stop 2 live. Its juz another transition b4 u move 2 da next chapter which hopefully 2 b happier n merrier. Isn’t it best 2 have a pause once in a while in life?
So, where does dat bring us? Yup, I’ve told ya I’m still alive n breathing. I am single n im happy being one.
Im proud on wat I’ve been through, I feel strong after facing da truth
I wont be mad I wont be sad, cuz I know life would not always be bad.
Thanks 2 all who av lent their support, 4 being wif me when I needed em. U guys r da greatest n bestest. 4 every minutes passed, 4 every cups of coffee u spent on me, while listening 2 my stories (n sumtimes theories too) lol I thank u. I am back 2 business and moving on 2 rawk da world.
Specifically dere r two things dat I owe 4 healing my misery:
First, ‘Twilight’ novel by Stephenie Meyer. OMG … If a vampire cud b real and be as nice as an angel, I’ll surrender everything juz 2 b wif him. (Hayoooooooo statementtt) =)
Second, Bon Jovi’s marvellous rendition of “Its My Life”. Everytime I sang and heard da song, a new momentum has geared up. N I wont 4get da moment wif da gurlies (SIS, Eva, Yusnita & Rizalina) karaokeing dis song (like hell) till I loose me voice n contracting two-day-sorethroat. N dis shall be da theme song 4 me, in da next couple of months.
P/S: My mate has once sed: “Having sex while u were cheating ur partner is da best ever.” N I cudnt agree more. Hihi
Roger n out…
Yours truly,
ZI
2 comments:
Hi there,
Reading your blog, I know what it means. I have been ur faithful blog reader for the past months. :)but the mute one...
Well, things happened and I was there once, I hit the wall, badly. So much of pain but what don't kill us, makes ur stronger!
So, cheers to your FREEDOM and LIBERISATION! :)
Rain
Hi Rain,
Although I dunno u, i thank u for being a loyal reader to this world of mine. its da only place in da world where i can freely talk and express without any fear from others. n i welcome you to my world as long as u want to be in.
indeed, da pain made me much stronger and taught me to value other things in life which i hadnt when attached. i hope u find da same too in ur encounter.
HAIL FREEDOM AND LIBERALISATION!!
zi
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