I have to keep myself reminded (most of the time) dat we’re entering da first decade of the millennium, in which, carries out the meaning dat Im indeed aging. Its hard 2 conceive da fact dat, 4 every second passed, 4 every day ended; giving me an indication dat my age will no longer be the same. Certainly, I thank God for been sparing my life up 2 dis second Im breathing, for without His mercy for da next millisecond, I mite not b able 2 blink my eyes (even 4 juz once). But da irony is – neither my mind nor my body can truly accept dis phenomenon of aging.
Which makes me clueless and been wondering da reason(s).
I keep on mistakenly writing da date as 2009 and encountered numerous embarrassing moments wif dat accidental error (u know da Japs cud be very annoyingly articulated when it cums 2 dis tiny lil matters), not 2 mention wif my lecturer – DUSH-
But I guess, dat is juz normal 4 me. It’s hard 4 me 2 let go of things, wat more memories in life. Probably I am living my life to da fullest, in da sense dat every hour of living, I’ll do it wif no regret and high level of encouragement. No doubt, 2009 cud b regarded nearly 2 da “dark age history” of mine (as I’ve learned da meaning of betrayal and self-interest supremacy from da 1st hand experience – no kidding!) But then, I managed 2 convert those undesirable tragedies into sumting dear 2 me. And I guess I did it in many ways:
I quarreled wif Mum and Dad because I love em – cuz by not telling em wat I want, I’ll grow regretness in my heart which latter transformed into putting the blame on em.
I broke up wif my ex bcuz I dun want h_ _ 2 keep on lying 2 me n finding excuses not 2 commit 2 our relationship. I want h_ _ 2 be free. And so do I.
I left my gurlies n their world, not bcuz I hate em, but 4 em 2 pursue things without me as it will never b da same with some regarded me as an “Axis of Evil” 4 da mistake which I never intended 2 commit.
I took da decision 2 leave da country not because I despise Malaysia for giving me these series of melancholic events, but 4 me 2 discover da more of myself when Im alone in a foreign land.
ALL IN ALL, I did it on da belief dat it was da best 4 me.
Hence, I never feel far from those memories cuz I tried 2 think em in da +’ve way. Da thing dat I discovered (after few of self-experiment) when thinking positively, you will never b far from da memories, as they remained near 2 u. As if it was yesterday everything had happened. And as long as they remain alive and fresh in my mind, my life can be regarded stagnant n not rapidly aging. Dat’s y my brain is hard 2 register da fact dat Im now in 2010 cuz it feels like 2009 still!
“Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they’re here to stay. Suddenly, I’m not half to man I used to be, there’s a shadow hanging over me…”
Which makes me clueless and been wondering da reason(s).
I keep on mistakenly writing da date as 2009 and encountered numerous embarrassing moments wif dat accidental error (u know da Japs cud be very annoyingly articulated when it cums 2 dis tiny lil matters), not 2 mention wif my lecturer – DUSH-
But I guess, dat is juz normal 4 me. It’s hard 4 me 2 let go of things, wat more memories in life. Probably I am living my life to da fullest, in da sense dat every hour of living, I’ll do it wif no regret and high level of encouragement. No doubt, 2009 cud b regarded nearly 2 da “dark age history” of mine (as I’ve learned da meaning of betrayal and self-interest supremacy from da 1st hand experience – no kidding!) But then, I managed 2 convert those undesirable tragedies into sumting dear 2 me. And I guess I did it in many ways:
I quarreled wif Mum and Dad because I love em – cuz by not telling em wat I want, I’ll grow regretness in my heart which latter transformed into putting the blame on em.
I broke up wif my ex bcuz I dun want h_ _ 2 keep on lying 2 me n finding excuses not 2 commit 2 our relationship. I want h_ _ 2 be free. And so do I.
I left my gurlies n their world, not bcuz I hate em, but 4 em 2 pursue things without me as it will never b da same with some regarded me as an “Axis of Evil” 4 da mistake which I never intended 2 commit.
I took da decision 2 leave da country not because I despise Malaysia for giving me these series of melancholic events, but 4 me 2 discover da more of myself when Im alone in a foreign land.
ALL IN ALL, I did it on da belief dat it was da best 4 me.
Hence, I never feel far from those memories cuz I tried 2 think em in da +’ve way. Da thing dat I discovered (after few of self-experiment) when thinking positively, you will never b far from da memories, as they remained near 2 u. As if it was yesterday everything had happened. And as long as they remain alive and fresh in my mind, my life can be regarded stagnant n not rapidly aging. Dat’s y my brain is hard 2 register da fact dat Im now in 2010 cuz it feels like 2009 still!
“Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they’re here to stay. Suddenly, I’m not half to man I used to be, there’s a shadow hanging over me…”
-Beatles-
Nevertheless, I vow not 2 look back into da past n explore new strategies 2010 can offer 2 me. Obviously da lessons of my past are always sealed n tightly kept in da safest place of mine, but I will cringe no more 2 da past. N dat wat I mean by “POSITIONING” i.e. restructuring myself into the new time span 4 da next 365 days (wif God’s mercy, of course). Not really “REBRANDING”, cuz dere’s nothing surprisingly new I want 2 introduce, but merely few restructuring need to be carried out.
Da outcome? God knows wat. Perhaps, I’ll give a thot on it when dis year is coming 2 an end.
Gosh, now Im talking like a financial analyst. Must b because of forced self-indulgence into Cost-Benefit Analysis Course which drives me crazy for dis couple of weeks. Final assessment is next week, and Im already saturated wif Marshall Demand Curve, Pigounian Tax, Phillips Indifference Curve, Pareto Optimality … (hundred more to come)
God guides me through.
2010 for Hope, Wish and Love,
ZI
2 comments:
all the best.
miss u. always
thanks sweetie. Miss you too. Hang on till we finally reunited k
XXX
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