Just Dance

Mode: Just Dance by Lady Gaga.

Even up to now, I'm still figuring da direction I shud partake in life once my Korean vacation-cum-한국 learning coming to an end. I've done everything dat I can 2 seek da direction but all means end up unconvincingly. Few things I realised - 1st, its not me 2 figure how my future lies n how its gonna happen cuz its not my duty, not even within my power 2 do so. 2nd, as history tells me, I'm sick of planning n figuring wats gonna happen next cuz I'm da 1 who will be frustrated if its not materialised n bcuz I've put too much hope n did everything @ my utmost best, I'll end up broken into pieces n pointing da blame @ everything, every1, including myself.

For sure, I know dats not healthy.

So instead, I want to stop worrying about my future. I wont expect too much but wud rather lead life as it is meant 2 b 4 me. Nothing more and nothing less. I will just make da best out of everything dat is laid down in front of me. Talking about expectation, I truly learnt a lot. Looking @ my current situation, b4 stepping my foot onto the Land of Sonata, Korea has always be in my mind as a place I really wanna be @. Beautiful places (n ppl too!), a balanced between modernity and ancient, my 2nd romantic place after Paris, love, romance - everything I imagined are 2 b here. Although part of the miscalculate imagination go to Korean dramas which exaggerating on da notion of love n relationship, it is still my fault 4 failing 2 differentiate btw wat exist in da dramas (a form of fantasy) n in da real world (reality). N it wasnt too long 4 me 2 find da line btw da 2 as my 1st day in Korea turned out 2 b a disaster (I've told you in my last entry). It didnt turned out as wat I wanted it 2 b (based on da drama).

Hence, I dun want 2 make myself a fool again by expecting much in d future. I dun want 2 b heartbroken again (although kinda like immunised to it after going through many times). I will keep da '10 list I wanna do/have/go b4 I die', but I wont push myself too hard towards achieving da list. I will juz do stuffs dat redeemed neccessary n reasonable n pray da best out of it. Ppl say, rather than counting wat u dun av, look @ wat u already av. Despite of my not-so-many-properties (comparing 2 others of d same age as mine), I still av passion, determination, n self-esteem 2 proceed life. No matter wat brings me to, I'll fly and dance with grace and wif full conscience dat God allows me 2 live 4 another day. So Live !!!

I'll go wherever da wind takes me, watever destiny lies in front of me. I will try 2 accept, 2 embrace n 2 make da best out of it. I wont be afraid if its a wrong direction in d end, cuz I always av something dat God spares for me still. N dat is TIME! Time is all I av to heal da wound (altho da scar wud still remain) n 2 make things rite. Paolo Coelho wasnt leading a gud life when he was young. Some say Shakespeare was illiterate and poor while he was @ his teenage years. N I dun av 2 remind da history of Bill Gates ere, do I?

Wat I'm trying 2 say ere is not dat - u av 2 b a bad person or leading a dark history in order 2 b a great idol. Dat is juz a stupid thing 2 believe wif. But da point is, a bad beginning doesnt render dat its 4ever gonna be da same. Existing failures doesnt hold u 4ever 2 b a failed person. @ times, it doesnt really matter how u start, but u end it. Becuz we av more power n courage 2 make a gud ending despite having a bad start. N miracles happen in so many unexpected ways. N u dun know when da magic stick will point @ u n turn ur life into brightness. Well, Cinderella (during her misery life wif her step family) didnt know dat she will meet a fairy dat will turn her into a princess, so to speak.

So ere I am, preparing myself 4 nothing known. Expecting no more n no less than wat it shud be, and count God's blessings dat He has bestowed upon me up 2 dis point. N immediately I feel da burden lightens, worriness disappears, da cloudy/smoky skies swept away by da shining sun. Its lightstrays penetrate sharply n hit da ground, clearing da atmosphere from darkness. N not long, I started 2 smile again. A sign for encouragement. A sing for new hope. A sign for a new -slash- tough beginning.


PS Any idea where's Zokhri Idris' next destination? I wonder how's life being a New Yorker *wink*


May it wud be another brite day 2moro,
ZI