DESTINY ...

"If its my destiny, to having you as my best fren, wif ur mercy my Lord, I shalt accept it"

It has already been a year n half since I met u (back down da memory lane of Manchester). We din connected @ 1st. I din (4 God sake) know u. da 1st glance we met way back in me housemate's room. it was dat unexpected concidence (we both know) dat made us closer (or was it me da only 1 who felt).

2007 comes, we fell apart

u disappeared without any notes, not even a gudbye. Vanished from me eyes, even harder 2 diminish u from me heart and mind. only bit n pieces of u makes our memory alive.

Summer ends, September comes ...


KLCC: Without signs n clue, we accidentally met. We were in different directions, heading in n out respectively from da elevator. U called me name n I turned. Our sights met n holds. I swear dat da world stood silence to me n i can feel da clock stopped tickling. It was juz within seconds n da doors began to shut. All I know was da curse dat u threw @ me.

OK I knew it was my fault, for not reaching u once im back home. It was me wrong not 2 contact u when I'm back home. But I juz cant. What was I supposed to do? I got no guts 2 reach u as I taught, it cud be better if we juz stay apart, heading 2 our own life separately.

Months passed n I'm glad


Till suddenly u rang me n I was freaking gobsmacked. da person dat I once admired, n I once discarded, is talking 2 me. I was stunned yet felt overreacted, although u mite call it as a warm n frenly chat but Lord knows how much I sweat.

n dat's da way u play da game, innit?

U rang me whenever u like, without answering me calls whenever I need u

Wat da hell u think I am into ur life?

Ur lonely chatter?

Ur accompany when dere's no 1 wants to talk to u?

How cud u?

n knowing u, u always got reasons .... Yeah I know - complicated life - series of entrenched conflicts n dilemmas - financial constraints n watever u call it

"OK fine," I sed

"Its always u who got reasons n those reasons hinder u from understanding wat others felt bout ya,"

"U r juz being ignorant n cudnt be bothered wat u av caused 2 others ... or perhaps ur problems are da 1 n only need 2 b addressed n given priority @."


But last week was da blow ...


U asked, "Zack, do u av feelings 4 me?"

I re-asked, "Wat da hell is dat supposed to mean? Arent we being frens all dis while?"

"But I know dats not wat u feel deep inside," S replied (let da person be known as S)

“Stop it. How wud u know?"

"I juz know"

"Bullshit. U never know"

"As a matter of fact, I do"


Silence was da moment dat we gone through.


"Watever it is, its not important 4 u 2 know. We meant 2 b frens n lets b frens. Fullstop." Im making my way out.

"Its important 4 me 2 knoe Zack."

"No its not. Moreover, I juz dun want 2 ruin dis frenship cuz its damn hard 2 get n to hold it."

"But I promise u Zack, Nothing will change if u tell me."

"If nothing will change, why shud I tell ya? Get a life, will ya?"

"Becuz I want 2 know"

"Why da blardy hell do u wanna know?"

"Bcuz I care bout u. Yes, I care bout u Zack."


I teared ... though no one cud hear


"Can u answer my question, zackie? PLEASE"

"Err" suddenly dats da only sound i made. Clueless I was, blurred as I dunno how 2 find my way of escape.

"Yes? dere's sumting u wanna tell me, dun ya?"

".............." I answered da question loud n clear wifout any prompts n pause. It was so vivid n flawless as I spoke from my heart without hiding, reducing or adding sumting. Yes, even a bit. ( 4 my hounour and love 2 dis person, I shall not disclose dis part ... let it b a secret between us )


Long silence.


"U still dere?" I asked

"Thanks Zack. Thank You so much"


Friday 31st Oct 2008.


We met n dined. I shud av chosen to dine wif my AEI frens but I've chosen h _ _. We re-meet @ KLCC n we drove 2 KL out-circuit 2 av a fine, pleasant and private dinner.

"Im scared u will b hurt Zack. Cuz we both know dat I cant do it. Plus my endless probs in life will drive u crazy (retard) juz like me. n I dun want u 2 b hurt (especially by me) cuz I dun want to loose dis frenship. I cherish all of my frens including u and loosing u will never be bearable 2 me. But I cant be as wat u want me 2 b"

I smiled (between da bitterness n sweetness) mildly

"My dear S. Given a chance 2 serve u as a fren is more than enuff 2 me. I want 2 help u n I really do. Perhaps God has DESTINED me 2 fall in love wif u by helping u 2 escape from all da prob u encountered wif. n Im glad I can do dat for sumone dat I love. So I wont be hurt. True, for not getting sumting da we truly desire can be devastating. It will be a catastrophe n u will never want to try on new things. But if u cant get da whole piece of cake, isnt it a slice wud be grateful?"

We drove back home n Im trying hard 2 accept h_ _, da frenship, h _ _ presence n care (although limited) as my DESTINY.


I love u S. n I know I wont be having ur love but still, I love You.


At nites I cry,
xxx