LOVE WILL FIND THE WAY

I raise a white flag, admitting I did spend couple of times thinking bout love n relationship. N I’m not ashamed to admit it. Every single homo sapien, I believe, is not an exception from figuring his/her experience on the notion of love. The power of love, at times, is far beyond reasonableness, to certain points, excruciates the soul. Hence while it could be an everlasting crave 4 the lonely hearts, it also (at the same juncture) cud b very poisonous, enrapturing the logics of the minds.


I began 2 feel love since 15. Although (as u mite argue) high skewl love is sumtimes (or most of da time) fake, but dis was da very moment I’ve realised, 4 da 1st time in my life, I wanted to love sumbody so deeply n be loved by sumbody terribly. I din know how it happened, but it did happened (2 me) n I must say, truly, I was in love when a junior sent me pages n pages of letter confessing his feelings 2wards me. I can still vividly remember, it was during da 1st day I sat 4 my mock exam ( Paper BM penulisan okeh)


2 b honest, it doesn’t really matter 2 me, if they (others) say my love is crap, nothing but only a fool of mine, fake, superficial bla bla bla. U may call it whatever u want, but I dun give a s*** bout it. All I know, it must av been love n has threw me a moment where I flew 2 a sacred place, in a world where no one is around but only da two of us.


On the other hand, as I’m aging, climbing da ladder of maturity and wisdom, love appears n disappears in various ways n chronologies. I’ve reached 2 da state of being loved da most (feels like u r @ da top of da world), da state of betrayal (where the world seems not to matter @ all 2 me), been left n abandoned mercilessly. In short, I’ve been 2 all states of love n relationship. Tasted everything. Felt da sweetness n bitterness; its warmth n coldness. @ dis moment of writing (commemorating my 26th anniversary of my existence on mortal earth) I’m glad I’ve been through all phases in relationship. God has blessed me da strength 2 move on n above all, a wisdom 2 understand each phase I’ve gone through n 2 embrace da message each wants 2 convey.


DESPITE DA UPS AND DOWNS IN DIS KINDA LIFE EXPERIENCE, I DO NOT NEED A REASON 2 B ANGRY WIF GOD.


My Sedisjourn, as pointed earlier, had allocated a considerable amount of time 2 further think about dis i.e. love and relationship. 2 simply reflect da phases Zokhri Idris has gone through n wat will he prepare himself 4 da future n I still conclude dat dis is imperative important subject 2 reflect bout as my faith in love is still burning n shining (kemonnnnn …. Im juz 26… life is still young). I’m convinced dere r many hidden vacuums I’m yet 2 explore, urging 2 da openness of me mind n heart, their willingness n readiness 2 experience da notion of love. 2 b specific, dis r da preliminary Q I’ve considered while my Sedisjourn was taking place:

Taking into effect a quarter of century has passed, do I still believe in da existence of love?

Does my love/relationship orientation still valid/relevant? (u know mine is not like da others, rite?) =)

Am I (really) desperate looking 4 love?

How do I deal wif love within dis 3 year time? bearing in mind, I’m making a huge jump from da current undertaking 2 a new one a.k.a I’m embarking on a new chapter n such transition period must b dealt critically.


As explained above, my faith in love doesn’t diminish. Being heartbroken doesn’t put a stain in da notion of love (dat I believe in). Love is pure, sacred n a virtue in its way. My connotation of love (as u already know) is based on da provision laid down by 1 Corinthians 13:4; doesn’t changed n remained da same.


Hence, love holds no blame on my series of betrayals n loneliness. Perhaps I’ve met da wrong person, bringing 2gether a wrong interpretation of love. Dat person mite perceive love in a different way as I do, n dat wont affect a change of faith in me. I mite end up wif any wrong person again (in near future), but da search will 4ever continues untill I’ve met da one. Probably, dat person is juz out dere (surrounding me) waiting 4 me. Maybe, he is juz in front of me, but its juz not happened yet. Simply…yet…to…happen. N dat makes my life adventurous: adventuring n seeking 4 da one – sumting 2 look up every single minute da sun beginning 2 rise. I mite succeed n I mite fail but, isn’t it da journey dat makes life a worthwhile? 4 each n every discovery will enrich me, adding more colours and flavours 2 da existing dynamics I av encountered.


Does my love/relationship orientation still valid/relevant? Two words – WHY NOT !!! Does love take sides? Does it determine religion, race, ethnicity or even gender? Wif all due respect, I dun think so. We all r human n free 2 decide wat wud b da one dat we want. We r free 2 love n 2 b loved by any1 cuz love itself is universal, doesn’t belonged 2 particular sets, be wif race, religion or gender. Wat matters, is how u love sum1 dat u love, n I dun care wat ppl holds their perception on me n my love. Wats important is my feelings n da person I adore … nothing else matter but only both of us. “AS LONG AS I HAVE HIM, I DON’T NEED HEAVEN” – powerful, self sustained stand n sufficient in its construction.


Corinthian says love never things of herself. It bears up under everything, believes da best in all. Hence, I feel no need 2 extremely desire 4 love. Or 2 b a Mr. Desperado 4 love. Love is not a desperation n wudnt make one being desperate. It is only a complementary, serving da need of a human in his/her life. Making his/her life more meaningful n worthwhile. N I think dis cud b a perfect standpoint. I DO NEED LOVE. But im not desperate or dying 2 look 4 love. I will still be alive n b happy shud love is yet 2 appear. In fact, im happy being single – surrounded by da love of me familia n frens. Da love 4 my careers n passion, da love 4 knowledge n aspiration. I still av my life although its incomplete n I’ll b patient waiting 4 da moment 2 come. “LOVE WILL SHOW ME EVERYTHING. IT WILL COME TO ME IN ITS SECRET WAY. IT WILL FIND ME IN THE END, AND WILL EVENTUALLY CATCH ME.” N I feel sufficient.


Moving on, these couple of years wud b critical. I’m @ da verge of a transition, leaving my current undergoing n bout 2 embark on a new journey. Sum of u shud av known how determined I am in pursuing doctorate n wud b hardly 2 alter da plan (unless I ended up wif an offer from Al-Jazeera, any top british law firms or sumting of a kind) =) considering my Masters is coming 2 an end n Phd application wud last 4 months if not years, da next 12 month wuf b crucial in ensuring da accomplishment of da plan. Dis period must b closely monitored, requiring a high alert of focus n simply stay-on-track. I can’t be distracted or else dis whole thing will end up being useless. N I know, my immunity especially when it cums 2 love is considerably weak as my emotional instability, at times, cud b a serious prob 2 my attention. Honestly, I will b easily breakable when it cums 2 dis subject. N dis inference has been experimented few times n I’m not keen 2 indulge myself in any possible risk during dis transition.


Thus, as being reasonable, I shud welcome no feasible disturbance dat cud side-track my focus on dis direction. Although my close mates always argue, love and aspiration cud tango side by side, but I dun think it will work in my way. I’m simply not convinced on my very own capabilities 2 handle dis. So, wisely, I shud refrain from contacting da surface of dis prob 2 avoid greater harm n injury 2 myself.


All in all, I still believe da power of love into human being (especially my life). It is more forceful dat one cud ever imagined. It cud b my fault by embracing Shakespeare masterpiece a lot, but as more as I av discovered, I cant help but by believing in da existence of love n how love cud b a sign of destruction to human being.


“IF THE WORLD PERISHED N HE STAYS, HER SOUL WILL BE ALIVE; BUT IF HE IS ANNIHILATED AND HER SURROUNDING REMAINED, THE WORLD WILL TURN INTO A COMPLETE STRANGER.”


As my Sedisjourn concludes, love is a hunger of my soul, a thirst of my heart. Nevertheless, my reasonableness of mind has 2 strike a balance between fantasy (wat is desired) and reality (wat is proportionate). My Sedisjourn believes, being 26, requires me 2 handle things more wisely n maturely, taking into consideration every aspect from all angles. N try 2 view things thoroughly. I’ve climbed another ladder of age, n such requires a higher level of objectivity n wisdom.

Hail Zokhri da 26th …


Ngeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee –grins-


XXX