Happiness and I.

Sometimes, (or most of da time), I’ve been wondering, y am I not being happy. Despite everything we’ve put efforts in, happiness seems 2 b far away. As a middle class average person, I av everything dat it takes 2 live well on earth. I’ve a family (although we only quarrel most of da time), qualification (although studying has its ups n downs), used 2 av a decent job (although I contest a lot wif my superior (^_^), circles of friends (whom less I can put my trust on), a bit of money (not many but suffice 2 live on without parents’ assistance) and many more. I am a perfect creation of The Almighty which enables me to function effectively as a human. But still I’m not happy. Why o why?

Truth be told, my solo trip 2 Nagaoka has changed my dimension of one being happy. 2 cut it short, couple of days ago, I, out of da blue, ran off 2 a city situated up-north of Urasa. Since I’ve got all commitments accomplished n having no appointments, Nagaoka suddenly trips my mind. Y not I juz run away from dis boring campus life 4 a day? A day of escapade wudn’t do any harm although many of me frens reluctantly 2 join in, since its in da middle of da week. @ 1^st, I was divided whether2 go or not 2 go. I dun understand Japanese (my fault 4 not learning hard) and if I get lost, I wud juz allow trouble 2 crash me. But my heart says, juz do it! U’ll never know wat will turn out, but da journey cud b a worthwhile experience. Besides, isn’t Lord is da best Caretaker n Protector of all?

MJ’s “Beat It” mode suddenly activated.

N 2 my expectation, it went well. I had a nice get-a-way, meeting wonderful ppl, sightseeing in da beautiful Japanese weather, leisuring in shopping malls n bookstore (did sum shopping too), n having a delicious Udon 4 lunch. N I did it alone. JUST.BY.MYSELF. I went wif a doubtful expression n came back (sound n well) wif satisfactory smile.

So wat dis has taught me?

First, of course I thank God. Because of His supervision n protection, I was free from any trouble n travelling complication. I feel, s long s I’m living under His created sun, walking on His Land, breathing His air, all of His Blessings will b wif me. I shud b rest assured dat He will b watching on me n comes wat may, His Will will prevent any dangers n harm 2 all of His loving mankind. I put my trust on Him n having dat in my mind, I feel sufficient.

Second, I dun need ppl around 2 b happy. I alone can b happy n make myself happy. @ 1^st, I was afraid if I cudnt enjoy my trip, having no companions 2 go with all alone in da city where communication cud b n issue. But da outcome has turned out upside down. I finally av a time 4 myself. A moment 2 treat myself sumting fancy after going through a hard week. Above all, wat I did simply means, I myself is responsible 4 my own happiness. Doesn’t matter if ppl aren’t around. They r juz da additional flavours 2 make my life more colourful n spicier. But by simply having me alone, I still cud lead my life perfectly. From now on, I will never put da accountability of others 2 make me happy. Having myself will do.

Third, loneliness is a form of beauty. By 1 being lonely, it frees him 4 any kinds of evils committed by mankind. Have u ever climbed 2 da roof-top, in da middle of da nite, lying down n witness da sparkling stars? Or da moment u wake up, wif a hot choc on ur palm, u enjoy da sunlight rising between da mountains, hearing da birds chirping melodiously? Lastly, av u ever walked down by da sea side, cherishing da redish skies upon sunsets? And all of these, I’ve done em alone. JUZ.BY.MESELF. U’ll feel da world has left behind u n da only thing dat u know, u r @ da top of everything - feeling zero worries n free. Da unification of one’s soul wif da Mother Nature is simply indescribable. A complete bliss.

Many of u already b told, dat life in IUJ offers a different perspective than wat I encountered. I am (still) in da middle of transformation n adjustment from enjoying an elite life of an urban city into a rural life dat has nothing, apart from da superb internet connection. Dun mention clubbing, cuz even da nearest cinema will take me 40 mins by train. I miss dat life (truly, madly n deeply I do). I’ve been raised up in an urban metro, studying in big cities n suddenly wind brings me 2 a valley surrounded by paddy fields n mountains. Wat on earth, da irony cud b? Still, I believe I can b happy ere. I can devote everything 2 myself ere. I begin 2 enjoy my life ere n start 2 miss dis place when I’m gone next year. Dis place, dis lifestyle, its memories will terribly be missed. I.JUZ.KNOW.

Once I’ve been whining on my lifeless imprisonment ere. Stuck in a 4 x 3 meter room, in da cold of da nite makes me dead or else a living zombie. N now I’m saying - I was in dat state b4 but no longer now n in da next few months, becuz I av found my life ere. Juz being in dis small 4 x 3 meter confinement. Wif da long hours @ nite, wif a hot chocolate n some cookies (and Haagen Daaz of course) under da duvet, I am flying 2 Korea by watching those series marathon-ly till early morning. I’ve been wishing 2 do dat since I was last addicted in 2006 graduation. And for 3 years, my commitments have deprived me from indulging back into it. But now, God gives it back 2 me. Heaven bliss. Those who aren’t Korean obsessions will completely be laughing how silly dis cud b. But try 2 watch 1, n u’ll know wat I say n feel. A recent released “You’re beautiful” starring Jang Geun Suk and Park Shin Hye wud b gud 2 start wif.

Sumtimes, I wish I cud b imprisoned (in real prison, I mean) (^_^) provided dat, they give me a lappie wif excellent connection, papers and pens. Those r juz da things dat I utterly needed in my life now. Those will keep my life moving n fulfilling.

So now, dere’s nothing else I want 2 do ere but 2 enjoy His blessings granted me 2 b ere. I know dis wont last long. @ a point, I will av 2 bid farewell, n off 2 da reality in which I belonged to. As much as I wanted 2 stay ere, those seem 2 b dreams n beautiful wishes. Hence from today on, I will wake up, telling meself dere’s a lot of things 2 do, many stuffs 2 c, wif lil time 2 have. And da clock is ticking second by second, reminding me how closed I am 2 my reality. Dis life ere, (in IUJ) certainly isn’t a fantasy, but far better than da reality I’m going through back home.

In da end, I realised happiness can b found everywhere. It exists in you. Embedded in ur soul, in ur mind. No matter where fate has brought u, dere’s always a room 2 b happy. N da room is spacious n borderless cuz da heart will never has its confinement. Happiness isn’t sumting 2 b sought, neither 2 b searched. It is to be felt n 2 b cherished wif. All u need 2 do is juz 2 close ur eyes n open up ur heart. It will find u. Eventually…

Because of dis, u dun need others 2 b happy. Simply having u is sufficient. Ppl cant give u happiness. They cud only b da reason(s). But above all, it is you who can make ur life happy. We r responsible 4 our own happiness n not 2 shoulder it on others. Shud u sail on a severe downturn in life, ask urself – “wat can I do 2 make me happy again?” In da end, da stormy weathers will pass, n after heavy rains, da sun will shine so brightly. Why bother 2 mourn all along in da rain, but not preparing 2 celebrate da coming sun, after da rain?

I always say 2 my frens “Be Happy. Life is Short.” And da truth is, my life in IUJ is even shorter than everything. I av bouquets of happiness, tranquility and bliss 2 explore but only 4 a short period of time. Its either I enjoy it now or it will b gone 4ever.

LIFE IS KICKING NOW, ZOKHRI. IT’S EITHER NOW OR NEVER.

P/S: Next mission, conquering Tokyo 6 – 8 October 2009.

Live well, be happy,

ZI