Sometimes, (or most of da time), I’ve been wondering, y am I not being happy. Despite everything we’ve put efforts in, happiness seems 2 b far away. As a middle class average person, I av everything dat it takes 2 live well on earth. I’ve a family (although we only quarrel most of da time), qualification (although studying has its ups n downs), used 2 av a decent job (although I contest a lot wif my superior (^_^), circles of friends (whom less I can put my trust on), a bit of money (not many but suffice 2 live on without parents’ assistance) and many more. I am a perfect creation of The Almighty which enables me to function effectively as a human. But still I’m not happy. Why o why?
Truth be told, my solo trip 2 Nagaoka has changed my dimension of one being happy. 2 cut it short, couple of days ago, I, out of da blue, ran off 2 a city situated up-north of Urasa. Since I’ve got all commitments accomplished n having no appointments, Nagaoka suddenly trips my mind. Y not I juz run away from dis boring campus life 4 a day? A day of escapade wudn’t do any harm although many of me frens reluctantly 2 join in, since its in da middle of da week. @ 1st, I was divided whether2 go or not 2 go. I dun understand Japanese (my fault 4 not learning hard) and if I get lost, I wud juz allow trouble 2 crash me. But my heart says, juz do it! U’ll never know wat will turn out, but da journey cud b a worthwhile experience. Besides, isn’t Lord is da best Caretaker n Protector of all?
MJ’s “Beat It” mode suddenly activated.
N 2 my expectation, it went well. I had a nice get-a-way, meeting wonderful ppl, sightseeing in da beautiful Japanese weather, leisuring in shopping malls n bookstore (did sum shopping too), n having a delicious Udon 4 lunch. N I did it alone. JUST.BY.MYSELF. I went wif a doubtful expression n came back (sound n well) wif satisfactory smile.
So wat dis has taught me?
First, of course I thank God. Because of His supervision n protection, I was free from any trouble n travelling complication. I feel, s long s I’m living under His created sun, walking on His Land, breathing His air, all of His Blessings will b wif me. I shud b rest assured dat He will b watching on me n comes wat may, His Will will prevent any dangers n harm 2 all of His loving mankind. I put my trust on Him n having dat in my mind, I feel sufficient.
Second, I dun need ppl around 2 b happy. I alone can b happy n make myself happy. @ 1st, I was afraid if I cudnt enjoy my trip, having no companions 2 go with all alone in da city where communication cud b n issue. But da outcome has turned out upside down. I finally av a time 4 myself. A moment 2 treat myself sumting fancy after going through a hard week. Above all, wat I did simply means, I myself is responsible 4 my own happiness. Doesn’t matter if ppl aren’t around. They r juz da additional flavours 2 make my life more colourful n spicier. But by simply having me alone, I still cud lead my life perfectly. From now on, I will never put da accountability of others 2 make me happy. Having myself will do.
Third, loneliness is a form of beauty. By 1 being lonely, it frees him 4 any kinds of evils committed by mankind. Have u ever climbed 2 da roof-top, in da middle of da nite, lying down n witness da sparkling stars? Or da moment u wake up, wif a hot choc on ur palm, u enjoy da sunlight rising between da mountains, hearing da birds chirping melodiously? Lastly, av u ever walked down by da sea side, cherishing da redish skies upon sunsets? And all of these, I’ve done em alone. JUZ.BY.MESELF. U’ll feel da world has left behind u n da only thing dat u know, u r @ da top of everything - feeling zero worries n free. Da unification of one’s soul wif da Mother Nature is simply indescribable. A complete bliss.
Many of u already b told, dat life in IUJ offers a different perspective than wat I encountered. I am (still) in da middle of transformation n adjustment from enjoying an elite life of an urban city into a rural life dat has nothing, apart from da superb internet connection. Dun mention clubbing, cuz even da nearest cinema will take me 40 mins by train. I miss dat life (truly, madly n deeply I do). I’ve been raised up in an urban metro, studying in big cities n suddenly wind brings me 2 a valley surrounded by paddy fields n mountains. Wat on earth, da irony cud b? Still, I believe I can b happy ere. I can devote everything 2 myself ere. I begin 2 enjoy my life ere n start 2 miss dis place when I’m gone next year. Dis place, dis lifestyle, its memories will terribly be missed. I.JUZ.KNOW.
Once I’ve been whining on my lifeless imprisonment ere. Stuck in a 4 x 3 meter room, in da cold of da nite makes me dead or else a living zombie. N now I’m saying - I was in dat state b4 but no longer now n in da next few months, becuz I av found my life ere. Juz being in dis small 4 x 3 meter confinement. Wif da long hours @ nite, wif a hot chocolate n some cookies (and Haagen Daaz of course) under da duvet, I am flying 2 Korea by watching those series marathon-ly till early morning. I’ve been wishing 2 do dat since I was last addicted in 2006 graduation. And for 3 years, my commitments have deprived me from indulging back into it. But now, God gives it back 2 me. Heaven bliss. Those who aren’t Korean obsessions will completely be laughing how silly dis cud b. But try 2 watch 1, n u’ll know wat I say n feel. A recent released “You’re beautiful” starring Jang Geun Suk and Park Shin Hye wud b gud 2 start wif.
Sumtimes, I wish I cud b imprisoned (in real prison, I mean) (^_^) provided dat, they give me a lappie wif excellent connection, papers and pens. Those r juz da things dat I utterly needed in my life now. Those will keep my life moving n fulfilling.
So now, dere’s nothing else I want 2 do ere but 2 enjoy His blessings granted me 2 b ere. I know dis wont last long. @ a point, I will av 2 bid farewell, n off 2 da reality in which I belonged to. As much as I wanted 2 stay ere, those seem 2 b dreams n beautiful wishes. Hence from today on, I will wake up, telling meself dere’s a lot of things 2 do, many stuffs 2 c, wif lil time 2 have. And da clock is ticking second by second, reminding me how closed I am 2 my reality. Dis life ere, (in IUJ) certainly isn’t a fantasy, but far better than da reality I’m going through back home.
In da end, I realised happiness can b found everywhere. It exists in you. Embedded in ur soul, in ur mind. No matter where fate has brought u, dere’s always a room 2 b happy. N da room is spacious n borderless cuz da heart will never has its confinement. Happiness isn’t sumting 2 b sought, neither 2 b searched. It is to be felt n 2 b cherished wif. All u need 2 do is juz 2 close ur eyes n open up ur heart. It will find u. Eventually…
Because of dis, u dun need others 2 b happy. Simply having u is sufficient. Ppl cant give u happiness. They cud only b da reason(s). But above all, it is you who can make ur life happy. We r responsible 4 our own happiness n not 2 shoulder it on others. Shud u sail on a severe downturn in life, ask urself – “wat can I do 2 make me happy again?” In da end, da stormy weathers will pass, n after heavy rains, da sun will shine so brightly. Why bother 2 mourn all along in da rain, but not preparing 2 celebrate da coming sun, after da rain?
I always say 2 my frens “Be Happy. Life is Short.” And da truth is, my life in IUJ is even shorter than everything. I av bouquets of happiness, tranquility and bliss 2 explore but only 4 a short period of time. Its either I enjoy it now or it will b gone 4ever.
LIFE IS KICKING NOW, ZOKHRI. IT’S EITHER NOW OR NEVER.
P/S: Next mission, conquering Tokyo 6 – 8 October 2009.
Live well, be happy,
ZI
11 comments:
Along dear;
hehe. nasib baek along cepat sedar yg being alone by ourself is Happiness. Indeed me pun really like being alone. especially when shopping ke... pegi berjalan2 ke.. I donno why but after reading yours I think I got it. I'm happy just being alone. hehe.
but don't keep being alone jer. sometimes we need company too. in case of emergency. hehe.
chow. enjoy your japan life plus korean drama non-stop. ohya... blh laa menangis sendiri2 tgk citer korea tu.. hahahaha. while me enjoying my KBSWorld here at home. :)
love ya!~
Angah dearie,
yeah we indeed sharing the same view and perspective. glad dat im not da only one who suddenly realises dis. not dat i want to be anti-social or watever, but most of da time, i juz want time for my ownself. rite?
now finished watching Boys before flowers? have u watched it? da ending sucks.huhu
currently addicted to "You're Beautiful."
sarange,
x
I've watched it. sudah lama. nak dekat setengah tahun dah. better tgk hana yori dango jepun. best! siap ade special episode lagi. hehe. u'll like matsumoto jun there. sgt2 ori watak dia. :)
dah tgk ke belum?
u're beautiful tu yg ade Hongki F.T island tu yer? org tak sempat g tgk. tapi dah ade url 4 download dia. hehe. kalo citer2 korea ni kt sabah. alahai.. lembab. name jer dkt ngn korea. makanan korea byk. tp movie ke film ke. takde. kalo ade pun hagak2 laa mahal dia.
eh along. ym dah takde ke? lama tgk along takde. hehe
ok, i'll message u my ym in fB k.
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