BE YOURSELF VS. BE WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE.

"JUST BE YOURSELF !! People might not know who you are, but u have the rite to express urself in ur own very way." I was outstandingly startled when receiving an online message from a friend of mine. Chatting in the middle of da nite, without him standing by my side, didnt even know whether those were rite. I've to admit the person who was saying those to me is really understanding, kind-hearted, and solely down-to-earth (as far as my obervation is concerned). Though we have just met for months (since September) but it seems dat our friendship spurs gradually since then. He's such a good company, though I feel a bit annoyed when he likes to laugh out-loudly ... (haa haa haa) <------ like dat. (",) Cant sleep for the whole nite, thinkin' about wat he'd just said. Sounds true but will not be really practicable in my real life. Ever wonder why? Cuz u've to strike a balance between ur wish of being urself and other's expectations on you! Put it in an example then, say, a son aims to be an artist due to his high level of passion and interest in arts, but his parents demand otherwise (be a good doctor, for instance). Hence, there is a clash of interests between an inferior innocent son with a superior influential dad. Sounds difficult, isnt it? Would u think it would be "just and equaitable" (hehehehe...equity guys!!) to the innocent son (having his interest which against his parents) to sacrifice his aim for allowing his parents' expectations to pursue??!



Most of u think, it wont be hard as he thinks. Just take the challenge and be a good doctor. Think about ur parents' kindnesses for wat they have done to us and u wont dare to go astray from their orders. (Oh ye who believe,obey your parents and address them both with nice sayings).


Compare with a situation where u met a new friend which u put ur trust, ur sincere respect and ur endured love - this person is everything to u!!! Obviously, in normal circumstances, u wish to be perfect in the eyes of him/her and this u'll try to improve ur style and da way of life in line wif his/her. U will therefore, try to put urself in his shoes and try to attract him wif attitudes he favours. My question(s) - wud it be reasonable to pretend to be someone (though better) which isn't u? Is it justified to abort ur stand and belief in order to get common views and consensus between u and ur new "soulmate"? (someone did mention dis to me!!) Wud ur answer differs if by pretending to be someone different, will dat pay for a new friendship? Wud a friendship sustain long if its embarked wif falsehood and pretentious? If it isn't the truth since the very beginning, wud it be true friendship till the end?



But humans are born blindfolded. We dare to be blinded (or blinding ourselves) for love and friendship. U can't simply be urself for a true friendship. So dear readers, wat say u? Had u ever face these complications? Life is complicated,ya knoe.


Be what your are supposed to be - the other alternative suggested to me apart from being urself. This principle applies when u r in a conflict whether bringing ur rites to be urself and appreciating others' expectations. The principle is self-explained, I guess. U shud be wat u r supposed to (especially wif da existenceif religions,life-customs and norms). In other words, we have already been systemised by staged in life. Excel in schools->qualified to A-Levels->good grades in uni->stable career->love->engagement->marriage->family and bla bla bla. U can't have ur steps off-track from following the path dat has been destined to u. Doesn't matter how u favour or dislike it, we haven't got much choice, do we?


Please dun get me wrong!! I do not blame anyone being conservatives but sometimes people nowadays need some space and time, to live freely from traditions and preserved customs. As human, I believe we have the rite to be happy in our own ways!!! yup! In our own choices!!


I take dat u've read my welcoming greeting on my very first posting: " Perfection belongs to God. Human can never be perfect and thus, as human, we could onlu be sincere on wat we want in life and wat we feel inside."



One might argue that our happiness and soul don't belong to us absolutely. They contended, we are obliged to sacrifice ourselves to appease people who showered their kindness since we were small. We have no right therefore, according to their views, to lead our life freely as we want, neglecting the society and family's expectations. I used to remind myself that life is about giving - be a GIVER!!! No matter how bitter ye felt, dere's a price 4 u to pay. Ever heard of "sacrificing your happiness to bring happiness to others"??!! (berkorban untuk membahagiakan)



A right to be happy seems to rebut the argument put forward. We have da rite to be happy in the way we are!! We've da rite, guys!! I've da rite too!!! (",) Think about wat makes each of us happy and wat we can do to make ourselves happy without hurting ourselves and others. What is happiness, then? Carver in his Love and Chemistry (R.L. Carver) states "happiness is a route that will happen." U cant be happy if u arent doing sumting positive. In other words, we believe that being happy in the way we are is more important than say, being financially secure, or being in a great relationship, or owning a great job or owning luxurious cars and mansions.
WE ALL NEED TO BE HAPPY!!!


Bear in mind, though, humans are born wif selfishness. People want to have something for themselves. Hence, trade them equally so both of u get your needs met. Its kinda like a win-win situation where we be happy without hurting others.


Next, are u really happy as u want to be? Many people are not happy, are flat-out depressed and most of them seem to swim aimlessly in a sea of negotiating with others' needs and interests. I think it wud be an endless effort as it is impossible to cater everyone's needs in this world. The rule is simple - BE HAPPY AS WHO U R!!! Simple and realistic, huh? Brencht* claims "everyone chases more and more happiness, not noticing that happiness is at their heels."


At the end of this discussion, I submit, its essential to recognise "the rite to be me." Its about discovery of who you are, your development of self-confidence, and self- awareness; its about recognising the right to be different and learning to respect and appreciate thers.



To Mr. A, thanks for your guidance in the discussion. I admire your calmness, your understanding and ur ability to explore diversities presented. U R an ecological,mate !!! Really looking forward for the next meeting with u. I thank you for your encouragement and ur willingness to spend your revision time, ur patience, a cup of choc milk and a nite with me. "When someone makes u feel good about being who u r, dat is da person u wanna be wif more and more."


To conclude, express yourself in a true sincere way. Isn't it true dat whenever u have been asked wat u believed was the most important thing in life, u thought, or even answered, just to be happy in the way you are?


*Benfolt Brencht-dramatist and port



From the sea of love,
ZackIdris @ AJA AJA FIGHTING

1712
December 15 2005
Oxford Road, Manchester