Da Cry Of Me Heart

Have u ever felt dat u dun belong 2 a place despite God has granted u everything u wanted?


@ nites, I cry

xxx

A Little Politeness Goes A Long Way

Mode: Fenin' - after 7 nites wif less sleeps, I'm falling off n I c da whole universe was a spinning hotchpotch blurred of stars.

I gave my word 2 share wif u, a memorable moment which occured 2 me last few days.


CASE ONE (1)

Monday saw me going, on my way 2 NatWest, bumped into a chap (whom no longer a stranger 2 me) happened 2 b my junior in uni. Couple of secs b4, I was been approached by dos 'charity 4 children' volunteers, asking me 2 chip in 4 donation - which I dun want 2 highlight ere. It took me 10 mins 2 complete da donation details n da patient, humble mortal was standing next 2 me, waiting. I felt unease 4 keeping him waiting n completed da transaction @ da soonest I can.

Da following is a transcript of da exchange of words I had wif da young guy, along market street, heading to Piccadilly Central.

Junior A1: Abg Wann dr mane?

Opsss b4 I proceed:
FYI - dere will never n ever (in my whole entire life in Manchester) a XY chromosome wud address me 'Abg Wann'. Furthermore, seniority is never exist in Manchester Zarul Iman. Hence my heart bloated & flowered (^_^) n felt really touched. @ least, scarcely, sum1 is respecting me still despite I may not look like a respectable senior =(

Me: Abg dr office, heading 2 Precinct 2 check my balance in Natwest. Kamu dr mane?

Junior A1: dr Arnsdale ... (pausing)... I bought chin-up-bar 4 exercise

Me: Dats great. U really into body shaping, arent ya?

Junior A1: No - laa (blushing) Just a bit of exercise only when I feel like 2 do it. Abg dah makan?

Wat do u feel knowing sum1 cares much bout u? I feel like ..............................(speechless)

Me: No, but I'll grab egg-mayo later along da way.

On da bus, I tried 2 blend da sense of being alert+sensitive+knowledgeable. Dis is how it goes

Me: I believe Manchester Games is approaching. Is everything under control?

Junior A1: (long silence) ermmmmmmmm. ok kot. cuma ada prob sket on funding n wif 1 society/club. (4 mutual trust n confidence between us, I shall not reveal da name of d club) Abg wann, can I ask ur opinion, if u dun mind?

Me: (gaping) go on ... derang wat hal lagi ker?

n dere goes my long lecture. from piccadilly garden 2 precinct on bus journey.

_________________________________________________________

Compare dat wif dis one


CASE TWO (2)

Sumwhere last year, while I was preparing dinner, 2 blokes rang da bell-door: ma fren (whom I reluctantly 2 call him fren) n a junior

Let him be Junior A2 4 identification n comparison purposes. They were about 2 meet my housemate n I didnt mind inviting them 2 stay over 4 dinner

Dis how it happened:

Junior A2: Keje OK ker wanzue?

Me: OK (still OK)

Junior A2: Aku tgk biler ko keje ni semakin rosak jer. makin menjadi2. ko kaler rambut lagi ker?

Me: Ha ah. Obvious kan? ( I started 2 berserk, my missiles r about to lauch) x kan x nampak kot? (cynically)

POI pls, Junior A2 is da 'so-called' vvip in my community ie Malaysian Community of Old Trafford. First I saw him, he's like da middle-of-the-road type. But upon joining circles, tamrin watsoever, he begins 2 change. In a gud way I mean. He's now religious, reserved n more mature. I idoled him da most @ first, 4 his change makes him much better - a wiser person.

But its all 'Memori Daun Pisang' now!!!
My adulations r improverishing, tellin ya

Junior A2: ko tau kan bende tu salah?

Me: Tau (I was no longer in da cooking-licking-gud mood alredi. I stirred da boiling gravy grumpily..my heart is sizzling hot just like da gravy)

Junior A2: Abis tue kenape ko buat? Ko kan sekolah K***S dulu, x kan ko x blaja bende2 nih ?

Me: Ntah. saje ikut hati, aku buatlah (still trying 2 be moderate even I'm bout 2 burst)

Junior A2: Ikut hati mati !

Me: Kerana mulut badan binasa !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (dats it, u go babe)

Junior A2: Aku bukan ape. Dulu aku tgk ko baik je. Join usrah sumer. Patutnyer ko jadi lebey baik laa. aku nie just nak tegur @ nasihat jerr ( I totally 4got wat exactly da word he sed.its between those two)

Me: Okay. U done ur job. Thanks for being concerned (in my heart, yeah - u're rite!!) beckoning my inner-euss inside.

Junior A2: Ko x malu ker wat keje2 camnie? Ko tue ex-K***S, dulu join M*M, sedarlah sket ( I can even see he's smirking at me)

Me: (Cant help it) Wat.The.F....... Look, if u're coming 2 my house purposely 2 advice me on dis kind of way, im sorry mister. I think u got da wrong person, plus da wrong time. If u keep on insisting 2 proceed, wif all due respect, please get ur ass hell out of ere.

I went upstairs. Left da gravy half-cooked. which I assured da best way indicating, he's no longer welcome!!

_______________________________________________________

MY POINT IS:-

We tend 2 look down upon normal, social, huu haa type of person. We thot of da depictions dat their social life has taught them 2 b modern, 4 getting their roots, neglecting manners n politeness. I admit Junior A1, isnt really a gud person. An idly one. I didn't c him in any islamic circles or talks. He's simply immuned from all these.

But our MCOT VVIP, Junior A2, on da other hand, who been into circles (which I'm pretty sure Islam talks a lot on ethics particularly in approaching a person - Manahij Ad Da'wa) but wat he has done to me is totally 1)disgusting 2)uncivilised 3)ill-mannered n 4) simply unacceptable

now answer me, which one is polite?
which one deserve 4 my attention n praise?

I think, society must re-accessing their views on 'not-so-islamic' type of ppl. Perhaps we have sumting 2 learn from them. Dun just look 4 da bad apples. Some of da apples in da barrel r really mellowing, like Junior A1.
but junior A2, bcuz of him, I started 2 raise my hatredness 2 him n his clicks aka his usrah clan (even I know i'm not supposed 2 do so)
but true be told, 'kerana nila setitik rosak susu sebelanga' - u mess a thing, u mess it all

n its becuz of Junior A1 politeness, I decided 2 give him a hand 4 his project

Da MSSM ie Malaysian Student Society of Manchester is currently in need searching 4 sponsors 4 Manchester Games & Malaysian Nite. Those who know or who have known any potential sponsor(s) or willingly 2 contribute no matter how small, please visit

http://www.mssm.man.ac.uk/

or personally email

the.mssm@gmail.com

Sorilah dik. Abg bkn x nak sponsor, gaji pun x seberapa -grins- I'll help u out by all means neccessary. I'll try 2 talk 2 my company 2 look up 4 our fund raising.

CONCLUSION

• A little politeness goes a long way
• Dun be gullibled ie religious (or) (and) society leaders r not neccessarily well-manered
• Respect others as u want them 2 respect u. Respect can win da hearts, enraptures da minds BUT arrogant or 'macam bagus' kinda like attitude just drive u mad, raise no respect n even worst promote hatredness n abhor

Think bout it.

p/s: 2 non-malay speakers, ask me 4 translation. I'm not keen 2 translate those 2 english in order to preserve da originality of da discussion content took place.

"Repect ur neighbour 4 God shalt love u"

Peace =)

x

And Da Only Word I sed - I'm Sorry

Babe, (U know who u r)

4 da past few days, I've been living in a high sense of guilty...4 hurting sum1 I care da most. n its always be da case, I am hurt by hurting ppl. Babe, I know wat I've done is unbearable, n might be unforgivable. N I know I deserve not 2 b forgiven. Thus, I am not asking u 2 forgive me, all I ask, is 2 give me a chance 2 say I'm Sorry ... =(

I am Forever Yours ...

And The Only Word I Said - I'm Sorry


For all those time you stood by me

For all those time I made you wait

For all those time I broke your heart

For all those time I caused you hurt

For all those time I left you behind

For all those time you felt alone

For all those time I made you down

For all those time I made you sad

For all those time I left you lonely at nights

For all those time I ran away

For all those time I left you in the rain

For all those time I left you in pain

For all those time I walked out of your life

For all those time I failed to cherish this lovely gift

For all those time you cried without me

For all those time I felt unbearable of hurting you

And The Only Word I Said - I'm Sorry

I promised you to give the world, but its empty inside

I promised you to be by your side, but I'm running away

I promised you to make you smile, but I'm da one who makes you cry

I promised you to be your brother, but sometimes I could not bother

I promised you to protect you, but I disappeared when you need me most

I promised you to be your sunshine, but I came with a heavy pour

I promised you everything, but I can't do even a single thing

And The Only Word I Said - I'm Sorry

I am afraid to be your protector, for I'll let you go

I am scared to give you the world, for I'll fill up with tears and sorrow

I cant give you hope, fearing having you I couldn't cope

I want you to be happy, even most of the time I give you misery

And The Only Word I Said - I'm Sorry

Baby,

Having said these, I am left with nothing

Everytime I promised to give you everything

End up without a single thing

In the very end, there's something I am holding

A true heart ..... singing

Singing you my love and feelings

Forever everlasting

Fondly undying.





@ nites, I cry
0202 - 2 days after valentine

On Dat Note

Categories of creative writing, wif reference 2 da 'science fiction and fantasy writers of america inc', (http://www.sfwa.org/)

• epic: A work of 20,000 words or more
• novel: A work of 60,000 words or more
• novella: A work of at least 17,5000 words but under 60,000 words
• novellete: A work of at least 7,500 words but under 17,5000 words
• short story: A work of at least 2,000 words but under 7,500 words (1,000 words minimum by some definitions)
• Flash Fiction: A work of less than 2,000 words (1,000 by some definitions)

xxx

da composition I'm working on?

PhD: 300 pages wif 1 page of average count = +- 400 words

Epic: as above-outlined.

Total = God knows

which brings us 2 da calculations of:

Strength = Courage + Passion

Enemies = 13.5 tog queen size duvet + 8(huggable teddies) ... kantoi

Weapons = My personal I-Tunes list of songs + Youtubes + hot choc + choc chip ...yeay

Energy Consumption: Ermmmmmmmm

Reward: Dun wery, InsyaAllah Lillahi Ta'ala. (",)

God bless

=)

Wat -asignofthecreator- Has Achieved Within da Last 3 Days

Mood: Still missing my friends.

I dun know how did it happened. n still, I cudn't believe it. 4 heaven knows how.

I'm figuring wat spell on earth has been put thru my blog. But its just has da power 2 put impression 2 ppl dat my English is darn gud!!

Hell NO!!!

My English is just lame, ordinary n 'atas pagar' one. Shall I say more?

FACT 1:
I've been offered a PhD thesis editing/approving job by sum1 I known. If I agree 2 take da deal, he'll pay me 4 all da editing done.

Hoho. Surprising is it not?

Considering my killing-merciless working lifestyle at da mo, 2nd part time job wudnt suit me. But I've got no options left as da whole world know my long-term,unbeatable ongoing weakness is - lacking da strength to say NO!! or even in a more civilised way, "I'm sorry for I'm afraid I cant". Its just me 2 help those in need wif all da capabilities dat God has lent 2 me. n dere u go. Hundred (if not thousands) of submission pages awaiting. Roast my nuts 4 dinner, tellin' ya.

Funny enough - da thesis i'm working on got nothing 2 do wif me, neither wif my knowledge in law nor my experience in working.
"Simulation of acoustic partial discharge signal propagation in a model transformer and its usage for partial discharge location" - a thesis submitted 2 da University of Manchester 4 da degree of Doctor of Philosophy.

WTH !!! jaws-dropping

and dats not all

FACT 2:
Dis morning, as I logged in my frensta, a fren of mine's asking my help 2 translate 'buku panduan jabatan uitm'. from Malay version to English.
Cover 2 cover. aint joking ere ppl.
n b4 I cud even asked 'Why me?'
She wrote: 'English ko memang tak tahan'

Fullstop

FACT 3:
Yesterday, da very same person asked me 2 assist her in writing an epic telling da experience of studying in university to da Global Module Champlain College. Hence, u kinda like can imagine me being an English Teacher wif a red ballpoint on da hand -circling-crossing-underlining-arrowing etc

Dats it ppl, 3 part-time job offers in less than 3 f***ing days. Perhaps, I must start engaging wif caffein at nites, making my sleepless times 2 be bearable.

But I'm lovin' it 2 da max. 4 my passion now is on journalism n academic writing (after slowly 'reverting' from Law). I dun mind end up late at nite doing some editing n approving even translating for I believe it pays in da end.

Dats all 4 an update.

Truth b told, dere is sumting I want 2 share wif all u folks. an unforgettable moment of mine wif sum1 down da street nearby piccadilly dis noon.

Wat A Day !!!

x

After da Seventh Day ...

0023 in da morning

and its been raining since early afternoon.

My double-glazed windows are painted wif delicate pearls of water which ever constantly merge to from tiny, merry streams racing each other down 2 da panes.

I welcome da rain. I thank Lord 4 dis little miracle of His.




It was on 7 days b4, where all began. @ dat time, none of us had imagined how splendid da gath will b. Including me!! I thot it wud b just another ongoing social event wif -IHAB- &
-WANZUL-
I reached Stoddart House from a long tiring weekends @ Malaysia Hall. Greeted by Ihab n Wanzul, n by a new chap whom I never seen b4 -MIRUL- traversing all da way from Ukraine 4 his Europe Trip. He welcomed wif a smile & I reciprocated. da demarcation of geography never be a reason 4 us 2 break da silence.

Da expatriates of us thronged da table. Sharing - listening - learning - updating. For I felt its just a small world 4 us da humans 2 live on. God has destined dat we dun meet in our home country but in da land miles away - The Great Elizabethan Soil.

We still remember da funniest thing ever - how deceived n gullible WanZul was 4 a fren he didn't recognise. It was a complete furore, telling ya, as da burst explodes 2 every inch of da flat. da innocent mortal just happened to know -R GEN- who joined da Stoddart clan on da next day.

N dats wat we did. Filling da space wif laughters n jokes. Full of fun n blissful. We transformed da cramped flat of Stoddart House into a Chateaubrind of our own. I testify, none of a second went by where we felt left behind. We belonged 2 each other erasing da sense of alienation n da 'i'm-hollier-than-thou' enigma. Wondrously, it seems, da bond of frenship has been tied n sealed 4 ages 4 da fact we just met.

Until dis very moment, I boggle learning da miracle of dis.

Today, as I'm writing dis, I cud vignette all of our memories even unambigous - even we r separating 4 different paths in life, fighting 4 a survival, striving 4 a brighter future.

Sound n Clear.

Not even a bit is faded n blurred. To thou, I shall promise, da memory wud never decay, till da day I last see dis brandished earth.

To Ihab, WanZul, R-Gen n Mirul,

A Shakespere I am not, 4 I cant create da sweetest-most remarkable poem on earth ever made, 2 express my profoundest expressions of gratitude, how much all of u mean 2 me. (plus, I've been warned not 2 come out wif any melancholic eye-watering sayings 4 they will find it as a catastrophic emotional disturbance)

Perhaps thank you isnt sufficient enough 2 return all da kindness shown n given, but still allow me to

1) Thank you 4 da lovely Stoddart House

2) Thank you 4 da couch

3) Thank you 4 da bed

4) Thank you 4 da maggi me

5) Thank you 4 da London ride

6) Thank you 4 da few sips of Starbucks Coffee

7) Thank you 4 da toast

8) Thank you 4 da Boots' brownie

9) Thank you 4 da choc mousse

10) Thank you 4 da £1 bus fare

11) Thank you 4 da ears 2 listen

12) Thank you 4 da ideas given

13) Thank you 4 da few inhales of ciggies

14) Thank you 4 da mellowing chords of nite carols despite been warned countlessly by da conducter. LOL

15) Thank you 4 da blast fashion show

16) Thank you 4 da Rossa Dance featuring .............ops,cant say much. Ive been warned.Enough sed.

17) Thank you 4 da English Salad Pasta wif Roast Chicken n Chips.

18) Thank you 4 da Confession Nite of ours

19) Thank you 4 da Chinatown visit (ayam itik b*** bagai nih!!)

20) Thank you 4 da nite walk along River Thames

21) Thank you 4 da laugh

22) Thank you 4 da subtly smiles

23) Thank you 4 da remembrance

24) Thank you 4 da sharing n talking ...... gossiping?!?!

25) Thank you 4 accepting me 4 who I am

n da most important

26) Thank you 4 being dere when I need most.

Hugs n Kisses,

Your -WanZue-

Wherever You Go I Miss U So ...

Currently playing: Leaving on a Jetplane by Chantal Kreviazuk

Following Ihab's precedence of A-N-I, allow me 2 attribute dis blog 2 da persons who have made my London trip as da most memorable - touching and heart-attached visit ever.

-IHAB-

U're a hell of gud person. U try 2 be moderate n balance. 4 dat, I must respect U. Always remember dear, be urself is da only way, 4 ppl mite say watever they may ... but simply being u is da hardest price 2 pay. U know wats da best 4 u & u still strive knowing da path is deeply hard. Sumtimes, U mite slip along da way, but da more mistakes and errors we'll have will make us a better person if we learn. "They can do anything they want 2 u - if u let them in - but they wont ever win - if u cling 2 ur pride - and just push them aside".

Special Trademark:

Yaallah yallah. Ta'al Ta'al ya akh kareem. Keef Haal? =)

-WanZul-

Tiny built shape wif a big heart. A big spirit dat always believe we shud prevail no matter wat as we r so special in da way we r. For u'll realise - aiming da stars brings u no harm @ all, cuz if u fail, u r still above the others. Ur wisecracks n guffles wud alwiz put a smile on my lips. Just remember, being small, doesnt mean uncontestable. For Einstein shakes da world wif his E=MC2 , not with his small tiny appearance.

Special trademark:

Choyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ... iyah iyah iyah iyah

iyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

-R Gen-

Big guy wif bigger heart. Ur kindness n magnamity r 2nd to none. Ur presence makes us realise dat Stoddart House is just a flat larger than an atrium. For u fill up n ornate da space wif ur jokes n crackbrained ideas, but its all manouvre-less n full of sincere. n dats all matters !!! Never paste a crimmed downcast on ur cutie face, as da world is too big 4 us to enjoy. Its acceptable 2 live with others n reflect them in a way, but never damp da way-being-urself lurking n hoarding inside u.

Special Trademark:

I still remember da vietnamese n ur syurga idaman thingy, yeah =)

-MIRUL-

No matter wherever u r, or whomsoeva u r staying wif, u always have da rite 2 b happy. n none of dis entire human shall take dis rites from u. Hence, b happy as life is too short 4 a misery. Have a mind dat peaceful n conciliatory 4 da power of mind proven, able 2 conquer da world. Life wud never be tormenting. Its never a regret either. Its just lessons 4 us 2 learn n 2 improve. Time metamorphoses till da day we leave da world. Wats important isn't da past we drawn but da future we're bout 2 see. Chin up n never look back as da promising future is awaiting u,me and all of us.

Special Trademark:

It makes me think 2 accept da thumbrule of urs - suka sama suka ape salahnyerrr =)

Quoting Ihab "as much as I love you, I'll miss u even more".

Love loads,

xxx

O Heart, Be True ...

Here u go

A promised, awaited melancholic cry of my heart. Wif a piece of A4, a black ball-pen n a few cups of Mocha, I'm giving u ...



O Heart, Be True

It was only yesterday I saw you

And it's just today I am leaving you

How I am supposed to tell

All the misery, disruptions of hell

It was not started but from this friendship

In it, my love and concern blossom so deep

But my heart wasn't true

As I regard you more than a friend like the others do

I feel bad - my heart is sad

For my mind goes mad

For the price I have to pay

For the love I couldn't say

For the sleepless nites I undergone

Waiting the true to blow its horn

For we can't be together

As apart from me, there is someone better

Leaving in your house feels like a mouse

For I am scared to be the real me

For the disappointment of hope I can see

O God

Why ye crete Fate

For the one who is born with a very low estate

Why ye crete de feelings

For it haunts and makes me daunting

and

Why ye crete de sense of loving

Knowing this person I am loosing

I freak and I cry

For the truth I cant deny

Up low I am searching the strength

But the road is still far and length

How I wish to close my eyes

and to heart I tell, its all lies

But my dream says its all true

For the one I love is only you

Shame on you dear heart

For making us both fall apart

For every nite I refuse to dream

Fearing my hope will melt like a cream

I wish to quit life

To heaven I shall drive

But its not that I cant leave

Loosing you as a perfect gift

Why I am into you?

Whilst wondering whether you love me too

Bewitched - You the only one

For the rest of my life, my heart will hunt

As my life is like a dice

but never turn out nice

all in all

I just want you to know

My love to you will always grow

For everything I do

I wish could paint the real you

For seeing your smile

I would run a thousand mile

Take care my love

As I'll be flying with the dove

Bringing our hope and dream together

Never fade dilute for ever



xxx



After a hard consideration between Michael Bolton and Kenny Rogers, I came to a verdict dat da song of 'Have I Told You lately That I Love You' sang by Rod Stewart wud be best to listen whilst reading dis poem.
To listen, please click http://youtube.com/watch?v=0UkIM1WqCi0

And tell me wat u think