"DON'T TELL ME ITS NOT WORTH TRYING FOR"

DISCLAIMER NOTICE:
The author shall not be held liable 4 sleeping/yawning infront of the screens due to the highest level of boredom identified in dis article.

I am aware dat scientific inventions have caused damage to intimacy and human bonds. Considering dis, I took every precautionary steps n potentials risks prior submitting any post to ‘asignofthecreator.’ On da ironic side, I am aware dat nothing cud stop me from speaking out-loud (especially those which r affecting me directly or indirectly … gudly or badly). I’ve realized dat 2009 has stimulated a new version of bravery into me, a version which is full of honesty n sincerity (DIPLOMACY??? … erm subject 2 case by case basis, I think) lol. Da bottom line is, I’m no longer afraid 2 b me. N im not afraid 2 admit 2 others da true facts being me. After all, its juz me being da subject matter n taking into account of my full proprietary rights n ownership on “asignofthecreator,” thus, da floor is all mine.

Through my observation, my recent postings have opened many dubious wonderings n multi-reactions from readers. Some were shock, (tapi takkan laa smp trauma kot..haha) hard 2 accept, angry n very few were utterly supportive (although we aren’t debating bout quality vs quantity notion ere n then). I accept those n (try me very best 2) understand how each n every1 of u derived to ur responses. But wif all due respect, its me who feel da most. Im sorry shud they offend u in any way u’ve personally encountered, but I cant help 2 raise my own side of da story.

Sumtimes, its hard 2 appease ppl. N 2 b honest, I’m freaking tired 2 keep on pleasing others (while others have shown less interest doing da same 2 me). Da past experience have convinced me dat, ppl offer less initiative 2 understand me n giving me no room 2 breathe. N I see no point in returning da favour 2 em. Im being da ‘devil-advocate’ now (n it is much stronger after following Prof Robles lectures) lol. I must give myself sum credits without actually deprive others 2 gain da same.

MONOLOGUES:

I know u’ve been hurt by my writings, but av u ever care deep down inside my heart?

I know u cant see da logic of my so-called ‘accusation’ but av u ever give me an opportunity 2 raise me case?

I know dat u mite see it from a different angle of da prism, but have u given a thot da least dat, I still can see, I supposed differently from you?

I know dat u mite think u r right n bright, but have u ever thot da impacts dat have fallen onto me?

I know da others mite have supported u (including da beloved ones) but will da others listen 2 me as they av listened 2 u?

Simply no, rite?

Hence, wat u feel/know doesn’t proportionately necessarily describe da whole picture, fren. N im not claiming 2 be da superhero who knows every single thing flawlessly. HELL NO! n I dun wish 2 be one too. All I’m doing is 2 express my feelings knowing wat u’ve done 2 me. May I re-iterate 4 myself, I AM NOT JUDGING YOU FROM WAT U’VE DONE 2 ME. I am merely pouring out da drops of my heart, without putting a single blame on u.

Thus, am I still @ fault?

U’ve raised a Q, which I personally dunno 2 answer. But life isn’t about answering questions n searching 4 endless explanation, not either 2 find gud extra points against each other. Its about finding solutions aite? Its about 2 make things better, so dat between us, joys will be re-blossoming in da air and anger will fade together wif da heat of prejudice and negative prescriptions. N I know, I’m still lacking on it. I am still finding ways n means 2 patch things up so dat our puzzles of frenship will turn into a perfect portrait. In da end, it wudnt be as catching as Da Vinci’s Mona Lisa, but enuff 4 da others 2 see us smiling n laughing blissfully.

But of course, I can’t do dis alone n without u. I will never succeed shud u dun give me an opportunity 2 heal. Like da Americans say, -It takes two to tango.-

Furthermore my learned fren, its not about wat ‘will we get wat we want.’ Wat matters is wat means will we utilise 2 get wat we want. Although a robber gets no penny at all by robbing a bank, dat doesn’t exclude him from the guilt of executing da aims. I believe u haven’t forgotten these idioms of ‘mens rea’ and ‘actus reus’ have ya? -grins-

N wud it be wiser rather than asking how cud others cum up wif such accusation by questioning, ‘wat have I done dat made me be accused severely?’ Im sorry, I mite be wrong. But I’m quite happy wif Confucius teachings of self-reflection and personal post-mortem. We be able 2 understand others nevertheless, able to understand ourselves better.

Again, please dun get me wrong. Im ere not 2 contest ur feelings, ur semi-judgments, or ur quasi-verdicts u have imposed on me. Although those seems 2 b unfair, wif all my respect 2 u, u av da rite 2 address em 2 me. I’ve been convicted b4 I can speak 4 myself. N if dat makes u feel satisfied, I guess, 4ever I’ll walk in my life as a prisoner 2 u. N I know da rest will side u, n guard me wif a strong sense of disdain n horror.

Reason being, I am not n opponent 2 u. Frenship isn’t bout competing whose right or wrong, neither whose stronger or vice-versa. Its about lending hands 2 each other whenever needed, 2 guide our trail when da path seems 2 b off-tracked by vagueness, n to catch us whenever we fall. I am much convinced dat I’ve enjoyed these privileges u av crowned me once b4 n (un)willing 2 prepare myself shud dis be no longer da case in da future. N dis is wat sadden me da most. {because of my sincere expressions n honest revelations, I’ve lost sumone dat has been part of me}

Surely If I can turn back da past, I will stay away from da very beginning. It wud b better I think, being a STRANGER rather than being ENEMIES after became ACQUAINTANCES. Da latter offers so much hurt to endure n im pretty sure neither my nerves nor my feelings cud av a second blow.

In da end, if I ask, wud dere b some hope 4 our frenship, I’m eagerly wondering wat cud it be in da future. But all I know, I NEVER DISOWN YOU. N forever n ever will accept u as sumone important in my life. as da always cliché mobile texts humans do ever receive, “remembering you I always do, forgetting me, it’s up to you.”

I am calculating, “wat cud I do to reconcile da conflicts? On a second note, Isn’t dis diplomatic (emphasis) enuff 2 u?” -smiling-

XXX