"S" is 4 STRUGGLING and SURVIVING

I admit, I was (really) disturbed last week. But 2day marks a sign of liberalisation 4 me. A bit much better though not fully recovered. I’m getting much much improved since the mundane days last week. I wud like 2 take dis wonderful opportunity, extending my deepest thanks 2 all calls, texts, n emails given. U guys r da bestest n will always spice my life up when sourness began 2 appear. U guys r da bomb. Toce Toce.

And I’m more convinced dat life is all about 2S. STRUGGLING and SURVIVING. As long as the heart keeps on beating, one will always learn 2 struggle n 2 survive. U mite find no hope, or utterly lost in direction, but ending da struggles will never b da case till da very end u hold ur last breath. Probably dats da reason we wish da deceased soul “Rest-in-Peace” cuz u’ll only rest when u live da world.

So ere I am !!! In da state of living life by embracing pain n sweetness. N da sweet thing – 2day marks my very last presentation 4 my masters degree programme. Im nearly done wif lectures n seminars which lead me 2 4 months of vacation. Well literally a holiday but technically I’ve got 1 month internship in Jakarta n da remaining 2 get my dissertation done !!! (80 pages of double spacing aint too bad, huh?)

But da last two days were really pushing my nerves 2 da limit. Got 2 major presentations n 1 exam back 2 back (yeah u read it rite babe – BACK TO BACK). I sat for “Political Economy of Asia Europe” exam in da morning n presented “A Comparative Study of New Immigrants and Settled Residents Javanese Community in Malaysia.” N 2day I had a presentation on “The Origins of Asian Financial Crisis 1997”. Walaoweiiiiiiiiiiiii … 2 b honest I dun know how cud I take it. It was so …………… u-n-d-e-s-c-r-i-b-a-b-le. Probably will let u know soon I’ve catched my breath.

But Lord sends His Blessings in disguise. I’ve managed 2 b ‘off-tracked’ from my last week’s disturbia. Since Saturday, I’ve been committing myself 2 get dis trio agenda done. My mind was forced 2 process academic data n empirical evidences, neglecting da sorrowness felt by da heart. 2 my surprise it works out – which brings me 2 discover a niu theory/hypothesis 4 Zokhri Idris. I will be having a full momentum 2 do things (study/working) when im depressed wif personal stuff. N da inference is – da more complicated, stupid, foolish prob I encounter, da more dat I will work hard 2 get my task accomplished.

Reason being, I need distractions 2 keep my life moving. Had da fact dat I did nothing (less work) my mind will b occupied by sadness n downcast, resulting in less/nil – productive outcome in da end. N I must say Im glad wif dis niu foundings –grins- cuz I know wat 2 do when Im depressed. To conclude, exams n presentation stress act as a neutraliser 2 da depressed emotion n personal stuffs.

Hence, Zokhri needs exams n many many assignments when he started to contract sadness !!!

Voilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa …

DESCRIPTION: ***
Supposed Y axis is da amount of mental/heart incapacity (due 2 personal prob)
Supposed X axis is da amount of assignments/assessments.


Besides, I am still committing myself 2 personal (classical) treatment shud I contracted stress. 4 da past 7 days (without failed)I spent at least an hour watching “If Only” and “Bend It Like Becham.” Wanna know da similarities between these two? Both remind me of a destination dat I really dream 4, since da 1st day I came back home. UK – da place dat I (utterly) wanna go n reside 4 da next few decades. N I will make sure I’ll get it n will never look back (ever again). N da movies remind me of my future path n goals, together instilling a strong urge 2 simply ignore these hanky-panky stuffs, cuz I got a bigger mission awaiting me ahead.
N it seems 2 b clearer n nearer day by day !

Although Im breathlessly swimming in da centre of da ocean, wif no direction 2 guide, no way 2 go, but I know in da end I gonna touch da shore. Thus, I will never give up n surrender.

After all, I hold no grudges to those who have affected me in da last few days. U av nothing 2 b forgiven n 2 be apologized 4. All I want is 2 b free from U and freedom from ur hold of remembrance n thoughts. I am ere not 2 judge u neither giving my verdict whether or not u are gud. Wif all due respect, I am not in da position 2 judge U (and will never be in) Who am I 2 judge u? I am juz a normal person who feels da pain of ur presence, who is hurting from ur action but I can assure u, none of these got 2 do wif u. It is my entire fault n it is me who caused da mess. I’ll handle it by meself. U’ll walk as a free man, and 4ever I will b shackled, chained n imprisoned by da hurt n suffering I’ve endured 4 knowing U.


Should dat is da punishment 4 knowing u, and being an assistance of u, I’ll accept it as a fate dat has been destined upon me. And I’ll bear wif it … as long as my life stays wif me.


Behold Zokhrie dearie, 4 Lord has better arangements bestowed upon ye.
XXX

*** I sneaked into one of da lecture rooms 2 draw dis graph -grins-