F is for F.A.I.T.H.

Have u ever been into a destructive state where all of ur views became vanished n all u see is a black out?

Have u ever felt dat within blinks of eyes, da world suddenly turns its back 2 u, making u nobody n no one 2 turn 2?

Have u ever been into such melancholic feelings, once u’ve learnt da one surrounds u, changing 360 degrees, stabbing u from behind, making u as a contagious rubbish mortal?

Da fact dat, I was and probably am @ da moment.

Friday comes bringing series of worriness as how my weekend wud be. I do anticipate da coming of weekend (everyone does, don’t we?) but my anticipation comes wif mixed emotions. N Im scared if I cant get dis through, spoiling da atmosphere of happiness n joy as planned by frens. I do, honestly look 4ward to all da arrangements made but i’m wondering whether these cud make things better n not worsen things up.

I know dis will happen. In fact it has already happened. My most-catastrophic nitemare (of da week) has became a reality dat swept away all of my hope, shattering into small pieces of dust, vanished and disappeared in da air. Da fact is – all of my personal ramblings n cries were known by many (INCLUDING DA SUBJECTED PERSON...crap crap crap). They seemed reacted adversely, making me into a foolish creature on earth. All of my sincerity n honesty were seen as rubbish, leaving me into a state of being betrayed, cheated and discarded. N I dunno whether I cud face em up dis weekend although chances 2 avoid r pretty small.

My fear doesn’t inflict my hatredness 2wards em. I (try 2) love em still and never hold any sort of grudges 2 my frens. I’ve learnt da power of forgiveness whereby it makes da forgiver feels da warmth of God’s love n blessings. By forgiving others, u’ll feel dat God has actually see you and send His blessings in all sorts of way. N i do 4give em, 4 everything has happened. I dunt want my lil’ heart to hold any vengeance and abhorrence 2 em no matter how ill they have regarded me. True, it doesn’t make me an angel by 4giving em, (I’m far much to deserve it ... I know) but i juz want to b free from all dis bad feelings towards them. Certainly, ditching em away from my life will never be an option. Not even da last result. O Lord, I love my frens n will never discard em away.

But forgiveness cant free my mind from da awful memories. I am juz an ordinary mortal who has feelings n me brain cant simply delete da tear drops of misery, n easily reminiscing wat they av done 2 me. Da past few days made me into a tug of war between forgiving people n 4getting da past. Da latter seems much tougher.

Surprisingly 2day, I’ve discovered da power of faith. Its simply undescribable. Its like da wind, U cant see it but U can feel. It has taught me dat I will make things better n everything seems 2 turn normal. A faith dat, for everything dat has f**ked up will fall accordingly on its place. A faith dat will lead us to a light of serendipity in da end of dis dead-end tunnel. A faith dat will crack a smile on our lips after days of sorrowness n pale-ness. I dunno how these are gonna work, neither in wat way all these will happen, but I have faith dat it will turn out (sumhow).

God will make things easy, if u ask it sincerely. Da angels will lend their hands in spreading love n tenderness, preventing da heat of hatredness whispered by da devils. As long as u desire sumting thotful, it will all come easy in da end.

N im glad 2 learn dis discovery, although I’m still sceptical n afraid as 2 wat will I encounter 2day, da next day, n da day after. But dere’s an encouraging voice dat hisses, “everything will b alrite. U juz need 2 av faith.” And I put my trust on dis voice. I trust God will help me, if I’m wishing sumting gud 4 me n da rest. He will never leave me alone. Meanwhile, I never stop hoping and praying.

No matter how hard dis will hit me in da next few hours, faith stands by me in facing dis through. Even though in da end, I cudnt make it, n my dreams will shatter n crack, faith will help me through ... I’m indeed scared to go through dis, but faith is walking with me, leaning against me and makes me chin-up, 2 face them, da troubles, da embarrassment, da humiliation, da pain n da limitless hurting. I dunno how will I face dis but I’ve no choice but 2 pursue it, bringing faith along with me.

I have faith in me ...

I have faith in you ...

I have faith in our friendship ...

I have faith in da future ... a brite future

Above all, I have faith in mending all da misunderstanding dat occurred n create a light of love n blessings in pursuing da frenship. N even da signs are still blur n cloudy, I will keep on hoping n praying.