Maybe dis entry relates with the 1 posted earlier. As previously mentioned, I received a warm acceptance by da ppl around me in Seoul. Whenever I go 2 skewl, my 선셍님 (teacher) will greet me wif her smile, my personal motivator will drop some conversation wif me, making me 2 look 4ward 4 da next schooling day. @ home, da house owner will say hi n ask 'how do u do 2day?' And because I dunno much how to elaborate, 긴자나요 (I'm just fine) is da only word I replied with a sincere smile.
I am surrounded by caring ppl n profusely feel b blessed 4 coming 2 Korea. And no words cud express how appreciate I am 2 av lived ere.
Recently, one of my frens, who has been staying in Korea for 5 years told me sumting wen we talked bout Korea and its ppl. While we established da fact dat Koreans r generally -emphasis added- caring n luving, @ times, they do dat bcuz of few reasons. U see, da world we r living now is full of motives n hidden agenda. U r obliged 2 do sumting (extraordinary) bcuz of a factor dat pushes u 2 do so. Clearly I'm not making dis as a thumb-rule 4 every1. But, we arent wrong either 2 make dis assumption as a precautionary note when dealing wif ppl. Just not 2 make urself hurt in da end, enw.
So we listed down few possible reasons, taking dis few ppl round me as samples of da experiment:
FIRST, business-customer relationship.
Because I'm legally a rentee of da apartment, n a stud @ my skewl, they owe a duty 2 make me satisfied wif da service they provided. Otherwise, I'll pack up n go.
SECOND, I am a foreigner.
Plus, having an effort 2 learn Korean language n culture on top of dat. So they feel appreciated because why-on-earth-sum1-wants-to-learn-Hangul-since-its-not-da-world-language-enw dat kinda thing.
THIRD, I'm naturally friendly (n talkative too - fellow Malaysians kindly read it as 'keypoh' hokay not 'gediks')
Despite my low proficiency in Hangul, I'm trying me best 2 accommodate ppl around me in 항국. This includes saying anything dat I know, s long s 2 make da sentence relevant 2 da conversation. However, da failure rate is much higher than its success.
FOURTH, quoting a friend, I'm delicate, fragile, gentle and soft, in which they feel sorry 2 me.
2 c me alone in dis big city wif no 1 to hold on to, no 1 2 rely on, making em feel symptahised. And I know, ppl never regard me as physically strong n tough due 2 my natural personality which suggests otherwise.
N dis strikes me str8 2 da face. I am fully aware of my personality n conditions ere in Korea, but I never meant em 2 b da causes 3 ppl 2 sympathise me. 4give me, a snobbish arrogant lad I m not, but I dun need ppl's sympathy. If u want 2 sympathise ppl, go n look urself 2 da 3rd world countries n da failure states. Look, @ their children n women. They r da 1 who need our concerns. Not a delicate soft personality like me who stands on his own feet facing wat we call L-I-F-E.
When dis thot circling my mind, it urges me 2 av a face 2 face talk asking - Y u been so nice 2 me? Izzit bcuz u think I'm ........................ . I wish I cud av da 6th sense 2 unders10 their feelings n motives. Not becuz I doubt em, not even 2 depreciate their concerns, but I juz dun want ppl 2 feel sorry 4 me. Becuz of a simple reason - I dunt feel sorry 2 myself.
On a different picture, I m also subjected 2 ppl hatredness. While dis is a minority scenario (n I cudnt b bothered but I wish 2 know - wat av I done dat makes u hate me so much? Wat sins av I committed dat u think I'm da worst ever creature living on dis world?
Either 4 luving me or hating me, I know its all 4 a reason(s). 4 every smile, concern, n ur anger eyes, I need 2 know da reasons. 4 every complexity n mystery of ur heart n its feelings, I wish 2 know da explanation. Isnt everything dat happened, happens 4 a reason? N my solitude lil wish is da opportunity 2 unders10 em.
Cud dis b so demanding 4 me 2 ask for?
After all, da tranquility in life is based on wisdom dat created from discovering, learning, accepting, n embracing da reasons.
ZI
세울 Seoul 1/5/2010
1 comment:
oppa...spelling...its gwencanaya!
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