May 3rd passed not so long time ago. I received warmth (da important thing is decent) celebration by ppl surrounding me. Thank you and I thank God for sending em 2 me on my special day. Being a quarter of century ++, my frens been asking wat cud b da 소물 (gift) I wish 4 my birthday dis year. N I think dats pretty tough 2 answer, although @ d moment, I crave 4 many things. But birthday gifts shud b sumting different. Sumting I can have using my limited savings. Also, not an object dat listed under -wat-a-25++-year-old-chap-shud-have.
I need not a house, since I dunno where and when will be my next stop.
Not even a car cuz I hate driving (read:not dat I dunno hokay). Plus I dun av a permanent residence.
Financial Savings? Well, I spend wat I earn, thus I dun av savings. Also, I cant b sue whether I'll b exist till 2moro 2 withdraw my savings.
Marriage? A Family? Sorry, I dun reckon both as objects, neither as my priorities @ da mo.
But last few days, I think I've found sumting dat I really want, n I will keep on asking 4 it, untill I finally av. N I've proclaimed dat dis shud b da same birthday present wishes 4 d next coming birthdays, as long as I live.
I wish/desire/dream/aim to have
A WISDOM TO UNDERSTAND GOD'S PLAN AND GOD'S WAY IN MY ENTIRE LIFE BEING ALIVE.
N now comes the whys:
1st, I always believe da existence of a superpower dat regulates da universe n da world order. He creates, He arranges, and He executes all His arrangements. I believe dat His Arrangements work best 4 us cuz He knows wats best 4 us, His created immortals. But dere r certain things dat I dun unders10 n find it hard 2 accept. Dat is not 2 say dat I hold any objection to Him, rather criticise Him, but I am profusely suffering in deciphering da meaning behind all da things He made 4. Upon reaching da deadlock, I end up hurting myself unknowingly.
I dun unders10 y natural disasters like earthquakes av 2 happen in a poor countries like Haiti, Indonesia neither 2004 Tsunami in Indonesia, Bangladesh, Sri Langka n its neighbouring vicinities? Arent dis ppl suffered enuff from their current conditions? Wats da need of punishing em more from wat they already bear?
I dun unders10 y He allows wars, genocide, massive massacres 2 happen. Clearly, its a bad will 4 human n juz making human civilisation 2 deteriorate. When the Bush admin was planning 2 attack Afghanistan and latter Iraq, I prayed n wished dat He will stop em from happening. But it didnt stop. N me heart torn into parts looking @ d helpless women n children, enduring da pain wif bloods n dust all over their bodies. Why cud He stop em?
I dun unders10 y is He making sum ppl life miserable while s/he is a gud servant @ da same time, giving extra luxury 2 ill-hearted persons. Ever wonder y suddenly a healthy lifestyle man who never smoke, drink suddenly knowing his life is coming 2 an end? Isnt it a man deserves wat he deserves n shud earn wat he is entitled 2 av. Arent u tired enuff listening ppl complaining 'Life Isnt Fair'? N reality often replies, 'because life will never be fair.'
Above all,
I dun unders10 y is He creating sum1 2 b all wrong, while dat person has no freedom 2 choose from d beginning. Wats da punishment 4 a baby 2 b born handicapped, born wif fatal disease which clearly s/he has nothing 2 do dat made him/her rendering da consequences. On a different perspective, if da gays n lesbians av a choice 2 b born as str8, normal n ordinary ppl, juz like da others do, Im sure we no longer av em. I'm sure they dun want 2 b born as they r in now cuz having a forbidden love on a forbidden r/ship will never b @ peace. But its juz dat they dun av da courage 2 make it rite, cuz making a decision seems 2 b easy, but choosing a rite one n to live through in a rite decision, in which, is not u after all will never be easy.
Dere r many things dat dun work out perfectly in my life. N I've struggling hard 2 meet its wisdom so dat I can lead my life in bliss, gaining da strength 2 "Let Go" and "Moving On." But dere's always 1 think dat I never b able 2 deal wif. Why is He creating me all wronged while I dun av da chance 2 choose in da beginning? Even if da past life truly exist, wat av I done wrong dat makes me suffering from such unbearable upbringing? @ 1st I take it as God wants me 2 b strong n able 2 find d light. Da truth is - I'm still trapped in da dark, n I find myself exhausting in finding da light. Frustration, Hurt, Despair, Misery, Loneliness ... u name it. I do know wat it means n actually feel wat it means.
I dun wish 2 b born like dis, n I'm suffocating being me, wat more 2 make things rite. Why r U doing dis 2 me, dear Lord?
Why it is me dat U choose?
And I want nothing from U, but to know why. So dat, I know how 2 move on, accepting my life if not make it better.
God
Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The Courage to change the things that I can
And the Wisdom to know the difference ...
I need not a house, since I dunno where and when will be my next stop.
Not even a car cuz I hate driving (read:not dat I dunno hokay). Plus I dun av a permanent residence.
Financial Savings? Well, I spend wat I earn, thus I dun av savings. Also, I cant b sue whether I'll b exist till 2moro 2 withdraw my savings.
Marriage? A Family? Sorry, I dun reckon both as objects, neither as my priorities @ da mo.
But last few days, I think I've found sumting dat I really want, n I will keep on asking 4 it, untill I finally av. N I've proclaimed dat dis shud b da same birthday present wishes 4 d next coming birthdays, as long as I live.
I wish/desire/dream/aim to have
A WISDOM TO UNDERSTAND GOD'S PLAN AND GOD'S WAY IN MY ENTIRE LIFE BEING ALIVE.
N now comes the whys:
1st, I always believe da existence of a superpower dat regulates da universe n da world order. He creates, He arranges, and He executes all His arrangements. I believe dat His Arrangements work best 4 us cuz He knows wats best 4 us, His created immortals. But dere r certain things dat I dun unders10 n find it hard 2 accept. Dat is not 2 say dat I hold any objection to Him, rather criticise Him, but I am profusely suffering in deciphering da meaning behind all da things He made 4. Upon reaching da deadlock, I end up hurting myself unknowingly.
I dun unders10 y natural disasters like earthquakes av 2 happen in a poor countries like Haiti, Indonesia neither 2004 Tsunami in Indonesia, Bangladesh, Sri Langka n its neighbouring vicinities? Arent dis ppl suffered enuff from their current conditions? Wats da need of punishing em more from wat they already bear?
I dun unders10 y He allows wars, genocide, massive massacres 2 happen. Clearly, its a bad will 4 human n juz making human civilisation 2 deteriorate. When the Bush admin was planning 2 attack Afghanistan and latter Iraq, I prayed n wished dat He will stop em from happening. But it didnt stop. N me heart torn into parts looking @ d helpless women n children, enduring da pain wif bloods n dust all over their bodies. Why cud He stop em?
I dun unders10 y is He making sum ppl life miserable while s/he is a gud servant @ da same time, giving extra luxury 2 ill-hearted persons. Ever wonder y suddenly a healthy lifestyle man who never smoke, drink suddenly knowing his life is coming 2 an end? Isnt it a man deserves wat he deserves n shud earn wat he is entitled 2 av. Arent u tired enuff listening ppl complaining 'Life Isnt Fair'? N reality often replies, 'because life will never be fair.'
Above all,
I dun unders10 y is He creating sum1 2 b all wrong, while dat person has no freedom 2 choose from d beginning. Wats da punishment 4 a baby 2 b born handicapped, born wif fatal disease which clearly s/he has nothing 2 do dat made him/her rendering da consequences. On a different perspective, if da gays n lesbians av a choice 2 b born as str8, normal n ordinary ppl, juz like da others do, Im sure we no longer av em. I'm sure they dun want 2 b born as they r in now cuz having a forbidden love on a forbidden r/ship will never b @ peace. But its juz dat they dun av da courage 2 make it rite, cuz making a decision seems 2 b easy, but choosing a rite one n to live through in a rite decision, in which, is not u after all will never be easy.
Dere r many things dat dun work out perfectly in my life. N I've struggling hard 2 meet its wisdom so dat I can lead my life in bliss, gaining da strength 2 "Let Go" and "Moving On." But dere's always 1 think dat I never b able 2 deal wif. Why is He creating me all wronged while I dun av da chance 2 choose in da beginning? Even if da past life truly exist, wat av I done wrong dat makes me suffering from such unbearable upbringing? @ 1st I take it as God wants me 2 b strong n able 2 find d light. Da truth is - I'm still trapped in da dark, n I find myself exhausting in finding da light. Frustration, Hurt, Despair, Misery, Loneliness ... u name it. I do know wat it means n actually feel wat it means.
I dun wish 2 b born like dis, n I'm suffocating being me, wat more 2 make things rite. Why r U doing dis 2 me, dear Lord?
Why it is me dat U choose?
And I want nothing from U, but to know why. So dat, I know how 2 move on, accepting my life if not make it better.
God
Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The Courage to change the things that I can
And the Wisdom to know the difference ...
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