Nite Ramblings

Zokhri Idris is wondering why things were far better when he was away ????


He is not blaming, either not whining
but
He is just realising and experiencing



0205 28 Sept 07
xxx

Ramadhan Kareem

Taken from Tash's facebook

Perhaps da government shud continue banning fast-food adverts especially in da fasting month lyke dis (menggoda nafsu siot)

n


Burger King shudnt come out wif dis kind of advert to avoid sensitivities. I dun know 2 be honest. But, by associating the crescent (which da Muslims believe as one of da Holy Symbols in Islam) wif a burger (or a quarter pound burger) cud be offensive in a way. Its fine to me at least =) (sponsor me buka puasa plissssss Mr King)




xxx dah takde kije xxx

"F" is For Forgiveness

Da word for today is forgiveness. So kids, lets learn.



‘bear wif each other and forgive whatever grievances ye may have against 1 another. Forgive as the lord forgave ye' :Colossians 3:13





N I think dats rite. Colossians tells us dat by forgiving others, it will open da doors of mercy from Lord. N wat else cud a mortal human hope for but mercy and blessings from da Lord Almighty. I had a long ym-discourse wif my Christian fren about forgiveness. It was an eye-opening I wud say. Makes me think n wonder – how life cud be lovely if the humans r forgiving each other (but still we seek justice above all matters)


I think forgiveness is a virtue enjoyed by both da forgiver and da forgiven ones. Even da forgiver will find himself relief and serendipity shud he forgives his fellow brothers. A bollywood movie (which I failed to recall da title, but im 50% sure its Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Ghum) has taught me me dat forgiveness is not for da forgiven but for the forgiver. Forgiveness is not sumting we do for other ppl. We do it for ourselves to get well and move on.

How true

Forgiving doesn’t make u scorn. It doesn’t degrade one’s self esteem too either. Its in fact makes u more noble n pious in da eyes of God.

Excerpts:

Me: How do we forgive when we don't feel like it? I can even feel da pain from wat dat person has done to me.

Me fren: We da Christians, forgive by faith, out of obedience. Since forgiveness goes against our nature, we must forgive by faith, whether we feel like it or not. We must trust God to do the work in us that needs to be done so that the forgiveness will be complete.

Me fren: I believe God honors our commitment to obey Him and our desire to please him when we choose to forgive. He completes the work in his time. We must continue to forgive (our job), by faith, until the work of forgiveness (the Lord's job), is done in our hearts.

Me: wow

Me: Is it okay to feel anger and want justice for the person we need to forgive?

Me fren: This question presents another reason to pray for the person we need to forgive. We can pray for God to deal with the injustices, for God to judge the person's life, and then we can leave that prayer at the altar. We no longer have to carry the anger. Although it is normal for us to feel anger toward sin and injustice, it is not our job to judge the other person in their sin.

Me fren: Luke 6:37 Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

So dats da gist of our discussion.

I then googled ‘forgiveness in islam’ which produces a massive list to read on. But da one I read on is by Shahid Athar’s. He reminds us on da attribute of Allah including da names of Ar-Rahman (the beneficient), Ar-Rahim (the merciful) n Al-Ghafur (the forgiving). He states dat by ‘giving up hope of the mercy of allah is a crime in itself.

Say: 'O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of God: for God forgives all sins (except shirk): for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.' Az-Zumar ie 'the groups' (39:53)

So I wonder, if God can be so forgiving why us da mortals cant? Are we in da state more hollier than Him dat makes us refuse to grant forgiveness? Waliyazubillah (I protect under god’s name)

Wat if im hurt terribly? Even I feel, I dun deserve to receive dat kind of ill-treatment?



The Holy Prophet (pbuh) used to say:

A certain person had committed 99 murders. He went to a scholar and asked, is there any chance of my being forgiven? The scholar said no, you have committed too many crimes. The man killed the scholar too, but his heart was restless, so he went to another scholar and asked the same question. He was told yes, but you must leave this town of bad people and go live in the next town in the company of good people. So the man set out to the town he was told to go to. On the way he died. A man passing by saw two angels arguing over his dead body. The Angel from Hell said, 'His body belongs to me as he had not done any good in his life.' The Angel from Heaven said, 'His body belongs to me as he had repented and was set out to be with good people.' The man who was the passer-by said, 'Let us measure the distance of his body from the town he left and the town he was going to.' This was done. He was found to be nearer to the town he was going to. In another version, the earth was ordered by Allah to shrink and make the distance smaller, so that he was admitted to Heaven


I rest assured, taking a long breath, n think.


Those two comparisons tell me on how noble u r to be a forgiver. U dun loose a thing but u gain everything.


After all, I cud accept dat, we da humans aren’t perfect. We frequently hurt and get hurt by others. Its da wheel concept i.e u’ll never stay at da same place forever. So why worry?














WE ARE JUST HUMAN ...


N human makes mistakes (al insan la yahnil hata’i wal nisyan)



p/s to sumbody dat has hurt me so much, I FORGIVE U


even da wound still bleeding dribbly inside, I FORGIVE U







even I ve been left alone mercilessly, I FORGIVE U


even u hate and disgust me tremendously, I FORGIVE U


even u treated me falsely, I FORGIVE U




Zokhri Idris is just an ordinary lame man but believes, "dere’s nothing I can give but a lot to FORGIVE".



Lastly,


I FORGIVE U

why r u doing dis to me?

Wat do u feel upon learning sum1 was talking behind ur back (about u) whilst dat person been avoiding u all dis while?

Self-Reflection: How can u do dis to me?
Is dis da price for da things I've done 4 u?
Or its just not enough, innit?
So much for a friendship, huh?
I always thot u r such a noble n kindhearted
But I was very wrong (n dis is da hardest part )

In Memoriam of Nurin Jazlin Jazimin

-Al-Fatihah-




To My Dearest Nurin Jazlin,


As I am writing dis, Im sure u had set ur path to heaven. U mite be in da angels' guidance and care up dere.

Im speechless n my eyes were brimming in tears as I saw u in da tele dis morning. Hence, Im sending you to heaven wif my prayers n heartiest thoughts and I know da angels are waiting u wif open hands, smiling n bringing u to a nice throne which u were once denied in dis horrifying world.

I vow 2 u dat da sinner will never find peace and serependity in his/her own entire life. And we da Malaysians will never n ever rest unless we got dis moron arrested n tortured 2 death. We'll seek justice for u dear child.

Child,

May u rest in peace little one. U r now safe in da loving arms of God. All I know, u have now gone 2 a better place where no one can hurt u anymore. Da moment I saw u dead, U look so peaceful in ur sleep cuz I know da angel might have come personally 2 take u home.

U'll forever be in my prayers, dear princess

Dere's just one thing I ask - Cud u 4give us 4 not being dere in ur time of need?



Im just an ordinary,
XXX

Wat In Da Name of Human Are You ?!?!

*


Dear Sado-Masochistic Phaedophil 'Beast',



Wat in da name of human are you ?!?!

U Son of the B****

I pray dat God makes u suffer, n will be cruelly tormented and be burnt in hell

HEAR ME !!!

U gonna lead a long terrifying miserable life for wat U've done. U wont find peace anywhere u go and in anything u do.

BELIEVE ME !!!

U completely insane-disgusting-sickening moron and do not worth for a living

And

I swear to God, if i got ya, I'll stake ur XXX wif saw and torture u appallingly - PUBLICLY- yeah publicly SOB n Im sure da rest will join me sending u to hell.

U'll never be safe !!!

God is watching ye !!!




F**K YOU !!!


**

*

U dare to make dis woman in tears

**

U ruin their happiness and I pray u will never be happy in dis life and thereafter. I'll make u suffer -grrrrrr-

A message to fellow Malaysians

Its in grief to learn da body belongs to Nurin Jazlin

Its da Unofficial-National Mourning Day in Malaysia.

It will end da awaiting period by all Malaysians dat care

Its da truth dat we hardly to accept

Its da moment we da Malaysians, launch our war 2 dis heartless sado-masochist paedophile SOB !!!

Truth be told, I refused to follow da stories of her, upon knowing da search is meeting an endless point, cuz I know da ending wud be a frustration.

But I swear 2 God, I never expect dis wud be da ending. Been sado-masochisted n molested (using cucumber n brinjals) is totally definitely disgusting-sickening-n da most UNFORGIVABLE!!!

The child's naked body was found stuffled in a foetal position inside a gym bag on Monday morning. Her intestines had ruptured after foreign objects were forced into her private parts.

Dis 'beast' really made my day bizarre !!!

U ruined my day!!!

He doesn't belong 2 our society. We shud get dis moron caught, allowing ourselves 2 do justice 2 dis poor child. Lets hold our hands 2gether, firming our hearts n minds - 2 drag dis SOB 2 justice. Dis is da very moment we da Malaysians regardless we Malay, Chinese, Indians and ors 2 show dat we dun tolerate Paeldophiles. At all !!!

We condemn sex abuse especially to children.

P/S Im sorry 4 da swearing words. but i cudnt help it. O Lord, pardon me.

Yours truly
Zokhri Idris

Just a note ...

Dear SC

No matter, even fate has taken us to different paths in life, you always stay in my heart forever and will be forgotten never.


Love always
XXX


p/s : besok wanzhu berbuka kat nikko hotel ngan committee MSLS. Jgn jeles. ngeeeeeee

In Memoriam: The Indonesian's Earthquake Aftermath

Dear Lord,


Hear our prayers


Give us a cheerful heart when we are discouraged.


Our hearts ache for those who are suffering.We pray for those whose lives were lost, the families who grieve for them, all those who must rebuild shattered lives, and for infinite harmony with nature.


Guide us when we do not know what to do





Give us strength when we are tempted





Help us to be persevering when things are difficult







Comfort us when life brings us sorrow





Grant us courage when we are afraid






May Your Love & Peace prevail so that nothing will take away our joy


They said " Our Lord, we have wronged ourselves, and if Ye do not pardon us and have mercy upon us, we will surely be among the losers"
Glorious Qoran: Chapter 7 (Al-A'raf); 23

Because You Loved Me

A lullaby cherishing da 100th entry anniversary of 'Asignofthecreator':



For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy that you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby


You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through
Through it all


You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me


You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me


Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you


You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me


You were always there for me
The tender wing that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

XXX

Congratulations & Celebrations

Dis is 2 commomerate da 100th entry of 'Asignofthecreator'



Hurrah ...



Granted, it took place in da Holy Month of Ramadhan where pious Muslims devote themselves fasting, remembering da unfortunates and sacrificing their desires in da name of God (so no birthday cakes dis time lol)

I wud like 2 express my profoundest gratitude to God 4 giving me da clarity of mind n granting me serendipity thru out da whole course - da strengths 2 move my fingers drawing da words n stanzas, enabling em 2 connect us da mortals.

To all my learned readers n viewers (including da blog-hoppers) -grins- a mounting adulations 2 all da support n guidance given. Truth to be told, we've been 2 da downcast of hibernation period(s) (opps I did it again) but U kept on standing besides us n I can't re-pay dat loyalness shown, apart from saying a million thanks. Da fact is, we both growing n improvising wif da help of all of you.

YES YOU !!!


Even all presents in da world r gathered and sealed wif ribbons under da largest X'mas tree, dat wud still insufficiently amount my 'sincerest' appreciation 2 u, but deep inside me heart, da whole universe know dat I cudn't have reached 2 dis par without u.



U R DA BOMB !!!



Me n Asignofthecreator hope dat dis blog will flourish n blossom - bridging da hearts of entire humans (to sum at least) ngeeeee . Let dere be no war, no hatredness amongst all classes of homosapiens simply bcuz, we r da same b4 da eyes of God.


Thank you 4 being wif me thru hard n thin.



I love u more than u ever do.




Muahhhhhsss

xxx

Thot of D Day ...

Dear SC


"Everyday brings new hopes in life. Hence never stop hoping even how bad u've failed y'day cuz, as long as we still breathing, our hearts will always hoping ... "


XXX

My '07 Ramadhan Resolution

"On behalf of Her Majesty The Queen of England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland I hereby declare dat all Muslims residing in The UK territory dat thy shalt fast commencing Thursday 13 Sept 2007 a.c" (Penyimpan Mohor Besar Ratu Elizabeth II versi UK) Heh




Mode: Alim n Wara' (Ngeeeeeeeeeeee)

2moro is da 1st day of fasting i.e. 1st day of Ramadhan al Mubarak (da blessing month). Asignofthecreator wud like to wish all Muslim readers n viewers a very happy blessed 142h Ramadhan. Hoping dat ye shalt gain pietiness and obedience while observing da rituals. most important, may Lord grant us heaven and close all da doors of hells -Amen-

Motion: Wat Ramadhan means to me ?

1) No more cookies during da day


2) No more skipping 'Tarawih' prayers (geeeeeeeeeeeeee ... it has been da same 4 da past 4 years)


3) Reciting da Holy Qoran from cover to cover (will try me best dis year after a failure attempt in da previous year)


4) No more tight-hugging clothes or 3-quarter pants. MUST DRESS PROPER !! (haruslaaaaa kene selongkar jubah n serban bagai dlm wardrobe kannnn) Hehe


5) Refraining contacts wif outsiders esp AngChoonSeong!!! He makes me swear whenEVER chatted which isnt gud for me. n he likes condemning too while he knows I cant do dat while fasting.


6) Praying punctually. Sum1 has to tell me dat Fajr/Dawn/Subuh prayer is @ 0600 instead of 0700 -grins-


7) A moment 2 remember da unfortunate ones. So please dun invite me 2 Ramadhan Buffet or I shall eat like croc (ha ha ) metapmorphosing myself into python in da end.



I wud like 2 thank those who've sent me offline msgs, mobile texts or emails wishing me a Happy Ramadhan. Im wishing da same too to ye.

May God forgives me -Amen-

XXX

Summer Crusher

0146


Currently listening: 'Leaving On A Jetplane' by Chantal Kreviazuk


Feeling: Unease and depressed


Whenever I listen 2 dis song, it must be on da occassion dat I'm leaving sum1 or sum1 is leaving me behind - including dis very moment -


Da Truth:
I've met sum1 in da last couple of months. Let dat sum1 be known as 'Summer Crusher' aka SC -LOL- dat SC mite not even realise dat I was eyeing on SC ever since da 1st time we officially met. But we already met once, when we both boarding a bus in Manchester (to different locations back then). It was juz a glance.


Da SC I've met 4 da 2nd time during Malaysian Student Leaders Summit @ Nikko Hotel Kuala Lumpur


Da same SC I've been working 2gether during Kalsom 13th in Perlis


Da SC who didn't have da chance 2 say gudbye to me after dat n left me wif full of disappointment


Da SC who have made me waiting calls n texts every single day


Da SC who once promised 2 b a company when I'm lonely, but being avoiding me all dis while


Da SC who gives me hope @ da same time leaving me


n finally


Da very same SC who's 2moro gonna fly back 2 da place where SC belongs to (for da rest of da academic year)


X


To My Summer Crusher:
How time flies so fast leaving me wif all of our memories. As its just less than 24 hours left, Im wishing u a very best of luck in ur remaining years of studying.


I mite not be da best person u ever met in ur life, but i assure ye dat, whenever u put urself up in dis world, whether in success or in failures, u always have a place 2 stay in my mind and heart.


U will never and ever love or miss me, but dat doesn;t put an end 4 me 2 remember you


U mite dislike or disgust da way I'm bringing up myself but in my eyes, u are so adorable just being in da way u r


U mite think Im juz a useless guy u've met, n will bring u no benefit 2 u but @ least Im always support and hoping u can give da best 2 entire mankind


U will never know how much I gonna miss u, but I certainly know dat U'll never be forgotten even miles n miles away.


I've found ye and thank God 4 sending me an angel ...





So be happy !!!


Yours truly,
XXX

Malaysian's Budget of 2008 (excerpts)

I was one of da hundreds, if not thousands, of Malaysians who yawned and whined after 10 mins the Prime Minister on air. In compensating, Ive looked for da excerpts (wif a hand of a fren) in my mails and found one. So folks fellow Malaysians, below are da extracts from 2008 Budget tabled at da Parliament. Unfortunate, I cudnt consider myself receiving benefits from any of the classes tabled. shame =(

Salient points in 2008 Budget

Corporate tax slashed to 25%.
Corporate tax will be reduced to 25% in 2009. The government announced the first cut in corporate tax in nine years in last year’s budget, reducing the company tax rate to 27 percent this year and 26 percent in 2008, from 28 percent previously.


Reduce government red tape
Reduce the period for refund of income tax from six months to between 14-30 days for e-filing applications. Immediate registration of companies instead of three days previously.
Reduce the approval time for Environmental Impact Assessment from three months to five weeks. Cutting the processing period for work permit to seven days for skill workers, compared to 14 previously.


Multiple entry visas
Indian and Chinese nationals can apply for multiple entry visas in the country where they are residing or working, instead in their country of origin. This facility will be made available in international financial centres, such as New York , London , Hong Kong and Singapore , effective January 2008.


50% stamp duty exemption for houses.
A 50% stamp duty exemption on documents of transfer will be given for the purchase of one house of not more than RM250,000 per unit. This will rduce the cost of buying a house by up to RM2,000. An initial fund of RM400 million has been earmarked to increase bumiputera property investment in Iskandar Development Region in Johor.


More flexibility for SMEs
Small and Medium-side Enterprises (SMEs) will have the flexibility to pay taxes at the end of financial year instead of monthly instalments.


Education fees abolished.
The annual fees for primary and secondary schools will be abolished, effective 2008.The Text Book Loan Scheme will be provided to all students, irrespective of their families' income and with no restrictions on the number of eligible children. With this, schooling in Malaysia is now completely free.Free uniform for uniform activities for those students from families with monthly income of RM1,000 and below.


Increase allowance for teachers
Increase the allowance for special education teachers from RM100 to RM250 per month.
Raise the allowance for graduate substitute teachers from RM85 to RM150 per month.
Provide an allowance of RM60 per hour for degree holders and RM50 per hour for diploma holders teaching Chinese and Tamil languages in national schools.


More scholarships for higher education
The number of undergraduate students sponsored by Public Service Department in local universities from 5,000 students to 10,000 annually, beginning 2008.The cost of living allowance (Cola) for government-sponsore d students in local higher education institutions will be increased between 23% and 84%.The Cola for government-sponsore d overseas students in US, UK and Canada will be increased by up to 97%, almost double the current rate.


Tax relief for post-graduate students and sports equipment
Tax relief of up to RM5,000 on education fees be extended to all post-graduate students.The law will be amended to allow employers to provide financial assistance to enable workers to pursue post-graduate degrees, especially in new and high technology areas.Individual tax relief of up to RM300 a year be given to the purchases of sports and exercise equipment.


Encouraging ICT
Last mile network facilities providers be given Investment Allowance of 100% on capital expenditure incurred for broadband up to Dec 31, 2010.Import duty and sales tax exemptions be given on broadband equipment and consumer access devices.Tax deduction for employers on benefits in the form of new computers and broadband subscription fees for employees. Such benefits received by employees will also be tax exempted. Malaysian Communications and Multimedia Commission has allocated RM45 million for the implementation implementation of SchoolNet project to provide Internet services to schools.


Monthly withdrawals for EPF contributors
EPF contributors can make monthly withdrawals from the balance in Account 2 (30% of total contributions) . This will be effective from Jan 1, 2008 and for the financing of one house.This is for those who have to pay off their housing loan.


Stamp duty exemption for husband-wife property transfer
Full stamp duty exemption on the transfer of property from husband to wife.In cases where the wife wishes to transfer property to the husband, the same exemption applies.


More spending in public transportation
Over the next four years, RM12 billion will be spent to improve public transportation in Kuala Lumpur and Penang .To alleviate traffic congestion in Penang , the Penang Outer Ring Road (Porr) will be implemented on a tender basis shortly.


RM2 bil bond for senior citizens
A RM2 billion bond will be issued by Bank Negara Malaysia to be subscribed by senior citizens aged 55 years and above, who do not have permanent jobs.The maximum limit per person is RM50,000, with a maturity period of three years and a rate of return of 5% per year.To reduce the financial burden of the poor and needy senior citizens, the Government will increase their allowance from RM200 to RM300 per month, effective from Jan 1, 2008.


Higher allowance for the disabled
The disabled workers monthly allowance to increase from RM200 to RM300.A special assistance of RM300 per month for eligible persons taking care of the disabled, who are bed-ridden and patients suffering from chronic illness. Tax deduction on renovation costs in the work place incurred by employers for the disabled to encourage the private sector to hire more disabled workers.


Budget deficit down to 3.1%
The government has said that it will reduce its fiscal deficit in 2008 to 3.1% of gross domestic product from 3.2% in 2007. While it was estimated that the deficit is around 3.4% this year, it appeared to have been revised to 3.2% due to unexpected high income from oil exports and an increase in tax revenues.The budget deficit, the 11th in a row, has seen a progressive reduction since 2000 which stood at 5.5% then. The government has not set a deadline in its effort to wipe out the budget deficit, which as a share of GDP is the biggest in Southeast Asia . The budget deficit is due to the government spending more than it earned over the years.


Economic growth between 6% and 6.5% in 2008
The goverment is bullish on economic growth for next year - expected to be between 6% to 6.5%.Growth was 5.9% in 2006. It slowed to about 5.8% currently, but the government is maintaining its forecast for this year at 6%.


Total expenditure for 2008 Budget
The total expenditure for 2008 Budget is RM176.9 billion - 10.9% higher than the spending in 2007.Of this, RM128.8 billion is for operating expenditure while RM48.1 billion is for development expenditure.The development expenditure was RM46 billion in last year’s Budget.


What's not in 2008 Budget

No cut in income tax -
The income tax will remain at 28% while corporate tax will be slashed to 25% in 2009. There is also raise in the minimum taxable income level and the provision of higher tax relief for spouses, children and insurance payments.

No increase in sin tax - the government has already increased the excise duty on tobacco products by 25% two months ago. There is also no hike in alcohol duties.

No implementation of GST - the long-delayed goods and services tax will be put off to 2009. The GST was announced in 2005 and was to be implemented in January 2007.

No bonus for civil servants - Unlike last year, the 2008 Budget did not mention any bonus for civil servants this year.


XXX


P/S Full text of 2008 Budget Speech in PDF is available upon request (which admittedly, i dun bother to go down each lines of it) =)

W-H-Y

WHY ?

Why, dear Lord?

Why, ye acccurst Fates?

Why its been so hard for me?

Why I've been left mercilessly?

Why?

{thanks 2 mon paccka3, mon namrtb, mon xn3hb}

disturbing thoughts ...

Tuesday nite saw da whole of ss19 territory in midst if darkness. Upon listening 2 my favourite ‘beautiful girl’ by Sean Kingston, da blink of darkness suddenly comes to my eyes. Cudnt even shut my laptop properly. daym!!! (hopefully its alrite) .
Now wat to do?

Cant watch tele neither my astro
My phone batt is low hence I cudnt make calls
My MP3 player still not being charged

I cud have died in boredom. Fark arrrr ( owh pardon me, I shudnt swear, luckily its sya’ban still not ramadhan – so I will be forgiven) lol


So I walked around da area just to make sure everything’s safe; checked all da windows and doors (manalah tau rompakan terancang ker) haha. Feeling satisfied, I went back to my room, thinking ‘now wat’?


Even da whole house was in a complete black out, da moon was shining brite. I cud even see my neighbour houses vividly from my windows in my room. Da moonlight was showering all over. All praise due to God, despite a complete darkness in my house, it was so clear outside – as if like when da sunsets.


Without being told, I grabbed my chair and sat facing da window. Looking straight upwards, mermerising da god’s creation up above da sky. No wonder moon cud be so beautiful at nites. I thanked da moon. Without it, nites cud be so hallow. I praised God for such miracles. ( I bet if my parents weren’t around, I will climb up over da roof and lie down till dawn - enjoying da beauty of da nite)


Witnessing da hidden secret of da moon, invites me to do self-thinking .arghhhhh not again. I was asking myself – why up to dis moment I cudnt have made my parents happy?


Why all da days passed was full of quarrels and disagreements?

Why r they love to pick up on me even wif small stuffs?

Am I really bad juz because im jobless?

Does jobless mean im hopeless??

-Sobbing-

Mum dad, why do u hate me so much?

I know im not a gud son. But im trying my best to be da one.

I know I cant be a syariah lawyer or even a legal practitioner for u to proud of, but dats because I wanna do sumting else

I know u hate me seeing my frens, but they are just da ones dat I have in dis world after u


I know I always stay outside, but dat doesn’t mean Im engaging sumting bad

I know ive changed and u claim da change is in bad direction, but im just being myself and not being pretentious

I know I always procrastinate in praying, but im praying still (even my fajr prayers are always at 7) n trying 2 improve

I know I cant be like other ordinary guys, but im so tranquil in da way I am now

I know im not a gud muslim, but at least, im still ur son and forever will be ur son.


At dat moment, I cant help myself. My cheeks were painted wif delicate pearls of water which ever constantly merge to form tiny streams which I cud even feel a warm liquid merrying down into lines on my cheeks dropping one by one onto my lap. I cudnt take dis anymore.

I know u r hurt, but can u just feel how hurt I am inside.

Dad, why u being so harsh to me?


Perhaps, coming back home was a wrong decision. Yup, I shud have just stayed in d uk and leading my own personal life (which was really happy back then ). Perhaps I dun belong ere, despite dis is my hometown. Maybe, Malaysia isn’t for me to stay and live on.


At dis very moment, I wish cud fly back to uk and leaving all my sorrowness behind. I regret for taking decisions to come back home dis year. Its just not rite. Wrong timing, wrong situation hence wrong decision. I wish I cud just turn back da clock and remained in Manchester.

In da end, I dun care if all of u dun feel sorry 4 me. I am a bad son enw. So be it. I ve tried to patch things up wif my family but it seems all of my efforts pay no value in their eyes. And I had enough of trying. So be it.. carpe diem !!!

I dun care if u hate me cuz I know sumone out dere is waiting to love me.


At nites I cry
xxx